From The Department Of Possible Super Bowl Ad Stunts: Maya Rudolph Has Put The M&M Mascots Out Of A Job!

January 23, 2023 / Posted by:

Last year, M&M’s announced a little change-up to their line-up of mascots, and it SHOOK THE WORLD (not really). They decided to retire Ms. Green M&M’s Nancy Sinatra-approved go-go boots for a knock-off pair of Common Project sneakers and also tone down her totally slutty eyelashes. In addition to that, they gave the brown M&M more sensible heels, made the orange one more anxious (it was 2022, we were all more anxious and still are), and added a new mascot, Ms. Purple. Since in 2022 there was nothing really newsworthy to report, Fox News’ Tucker Carlson dedicated an entire segment of his show to slamming the “woke” M&M mascots and whining about how he wouldn’t want to have a drink with any of the new “non-binary” M&Ms. Basically, it seemed he was mad that he no longer has the urge to jizz on an M&M, which probably made the guests in his green room immediately dump the bowl of M&M’s on the end table next to the sofa. To think, they thought those candies were just covered in a weird new coating that M&M’s was trying out. Well, M&M’s is making yet another mascot change and, this time, decided to play it safe by going with someone who Tucker Carlson will never ever get publicly horny for: a Black and Jewish woman! They announced today that the one and only Maya Rudolph will be the new face of M&M’s.

I lied when I said that Tucker Carlson devoted a whole segment to this very important topic. He actually devoted two. Below is the first one, but he also did one where he tried out Ms. Green M&M as a lesbian (probably because she left him on read) and called the new purple oneobese.” The Onion wishes it could produce foolery like this:

It seems like M&M’s is taking that foolery and running with it, specifically running to the Super Bowl with it. They announced today that due to the “polarizing” changes to their mascots, they are pushing them to the side, and Maya Rudolph will take on the job of hawking M&M’s to the masses:

Maya confirmed that she will be making her debut as the new face of M&M’s in a Super Bowl ad airing on February 12th. Listen, I think Maya Rudolph is a gift and makes everything much, much better, but she’s wrong for being thrilled about taking a job from those hard-working candies IN THIS ECONOMY! via Today:

I’m thrilled to be working with M&M’s,” Rudolph tells TODAY.com. “I am a lifelong lover of the candy and I feel like it’s such an honor to be asked to be part of such a legendary brand’s campaign.”

Although the “Bridesmaids” alum couldn’t share many details about her exciting new endeavor, she did say that there would be “lots of fun” moments incorporated in the ad.

“It’s a very fun pairing, if I do say so myself,” she says of her partnership with M&M’s. “I think little Maya would be thrilled to get to work with M&M’s.”

This is most likely just a shameless Super Bowl commercial stunt, like the time Mr. Peanut was “killed off.” I’m sure those spokescandies will either star in that ad with Maya, or they’ll be back really soon. But if I’m wrong, then Ms. Green needs to join OnlySweets. She’d easily make $1 million in 24 hours, and that would be from Tucker Carlson alone.

Pic: Ryan Hartford/startraksphoto.com/Cover Images, Mars

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