Kanye West And His “Mystery Blonde” Are “Married”
Mystery blonde solved! And she’s not even a real blonde if you can believe it. Or a lawyer (but she might have had a hand in designing Kanye’s Yeezy phone; she helps out where she can). TMZ reports that the woman Kanye West has been spotted with at the Waldorf Astoria in L.A. is Bianca Censoria, a former Yeezy architectural designer from Austria Australia. And her ass looks just like Kim Kardashian’s (did a decade ago). Also, her face. Especially since she and Kim apparently share the same sadistic colorist. However, unlike Kim, Bianca thought it would be a good idea to marry Kanye West in this, The Year of Our Lord, 2023.
Now, of course we’re talking about Kanye here, so while he and Bianca “recently had a private ceremony to celebrate their love,” they have yet to alert the authorities. TMZ reports:
Sources connected to the couple tell TMZ the woman is Bianca Censori, she hails from Australia and she’s worked as an architectural designer at Yeezy for several years. She’s also been a brunette until switching things up to the short blonde look we’ve recently seen.
Our sources say Ye and Bianca recently had some sort of wedding ceremony — though we’re told it doesn’t appear they’ve filed a marriage certificate to make it legal.
Still, he’s treating her like wifey … Ye was wearing a wedding ring this week when he and Bianca arrived at the Waldorf Astoria in Bev Hills — and we’re told the ring symbolizes his commitment to her following the ceremony.
Wait, are you telling me that Kanye has innovated yet another industry? What can’t he do!? I hope the jewelry industry is prepared for the influx of orders for these types of commitment rings. If they’re smart, they’ll start marketing them as “wedding rings” immediately before the world starts calling them Yeezy Bandz.
Naturally, Bianca had the honor of walking down the aisle in a one-of-a-kind wedding gown from Ye’s new bridal wear collection, The Ties That Bind. *This is not Bianca’s actual account, but I couldn’t resist.
The New York Post reports that Kanye’s love is so deep he’s already written and released, then unreleased, a new song in her honor.
Meanwhile, the 45-year-old rapper briefly released a song titled “Censori Overload” — a tribute to his new leading lady.
The new track samples Donny Hathaway’s classic 1973 song “Someday We’ll All Be Free,” and was originally shared via his Instagram late-night on December 7, NME reported. It’s since been deleted but the caption shared with the song reportedly read: “Censori overload. The variable epitope library from the antigen promotes an immune response in the body.”
Good to hear Kanye’s taking his health seriously. You can’t be too careful once you reach middle-aged-divorced-father-of-four-years-old especially if you’re hoping to increase your progeny/future child-support recipients. We don’t yet know Kanye and Bianca’s plans for the future, but we can take a guess. NYP says Bianca is “around 27 years old,” the very same age Mary was when she got knocked up by God. You can’t tell me that’s not a coincidence. Especially since that is also exactly how old Eva Braun was when she met Hitler! Give or take a decade. But what’s Kanye supposed to do about that? He’s already under too much scrutiny to add cradle robbing to his list of crimes against humanity.
Pic: Palace Lee/INSTARimages.com, LinkedIn