And just like that, the internet gave birth to a billion “….Baby One More Time” jokes.
In what I thought was just another regular Britney Spears Instagram post filled with emojis and ellipses, she announced that another Cheetoling is laid up in her womb, sipping on Frapp-infused amniotic fluid. And Brit Brit’s pregnancy announcement is a journey through HUH? because at first, I thought she was pregnant with a Chipotle burrito and then I thought she was pregnant with two Chipotle burritos before realizing that she made an actual baby with her fiance Sam Asghari. A baby who will definitely be born with black eyeliner-slathered eyes and an eight-pack. And there might be two of ’em!
In the caption of a picture that Brit Brit definitely stole from your auntie’s Pinterest board about self-care, Brit Brit writes that her stomach area got a little bigger when she got back from vacation. She initially thought she was pregnant with the kind of baby I’ve been pregnant with for the past 15 years (a bloat baby) but then she decided to take a pregnancy test and it came back positive. Britney calls Sam her “husband” in this post, but she’s been calling him that for a bit, so I don’t think that means they got married on the hush in a Starbucks backroom chapel that was built solely so Brit Brit could get married it in one day.
Here’s the post that forced me to overwork my eyeballs since I had to read it thrice:
“Congratulations! Is that prenup signed yet?” asked Octavia Spencer and everyone else.
This will be 40-year-old Brit Brit’s first Cheetoling with 28-year-old Sam and her third Cheetoling overall. She, of course, shares two sons, 16-year-old Sean Preston Federline and 15-year-old Jayden James Federline, with 44-year-old Kevin Federline.
When Britney spoke out against her now-dead-conservatorship last year she said that she really would like to get married and have another baby but her team wouldn’t let her and even wouldn’t let her take out her IUD. So let’s see, Brit Brit made a wish about getting married and now she’s engaged (or secret-married). Brit Brit also made a wish about having another baby and now she’s pregnant. And Brit Brit made a wish that her father will be put in prison for what he’s done to her. So Daddy Spears may want to prepare his back for years of lying on a prison cot since all of Britney’s wishes are coming true! Manifestation works! Or should I say, “ManiBRITation” works? No, you’re right, I shouldn’t say that.
Pic: JENNIFER GRAYLOCK/INSTARimages.com