God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
The Hollywood Reporter is saying that Scarlett Johansson is going to get a huge ton of cash for working on the standalone Black Widow movie which recently got its director. According to THR, Scarlett’s salary is equal to what the delicious Captain of America, Chris Evans, and what the hunky God of Thunder and Muscle Mass, Chris Hemsworth, were paid for Avengers: Infinity War, Captain America: Civil War and Thor: Ragnarok. Scarlett will be earning a grandios $15 million for playing Black Widow in her own movie.
Robert Downey Jr. has been playing Tony Stark/Iron Man since 2008, and has played him in eight movies including Spider-Man: Homecoming. He’ll also appear in two more Avengers movies. I’m sure some people can’t hear the word iron without picturing his face. But it might not always be like that.
Benedict Cumberbatch’s new creation wasn’t the only star at the Hollywood premiere of Doctor Strange last night. Tilda Swinton, high priestess of otherworldly fashion, showed up to the premiere in this. For a movie with the word strange in the title, Tilda’s look wasn’t nearly as unusual as I was expecting. Then again, she probably decided to keep it simple (by Tilda’s standards, at least) because there’s no way she could top the strangeness of being cast as a Tibetan man. Whatever the reason, Tilda is really telling a story with her dress, and that story is of an alien pageant queen whose style inspiration comes solely from pirated transmissions of Dynasty reruns. Sadly, the Moussed Elegance wig she ordered from her planet’s version of Amazon.com didn’t arrive in time for her latest pageant.
However, she did managed to inject some weirdness into her ensemble.
“Really? Me? As a Persian man? We think this is a good idea?” is what it looks like Leonardo DiCaprio is thinking in that picture above.
Because Hollywood clearly hasn’t learned anything from that time they cast Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily , or Rooney Mara as Mary Magdalene, or Joaquin Phoenix as Jesus, or Emma Stone was cast as Allison Ng, or Tilda Swinton as The Ancient One, Leonardo DiCaprio is being considered to play Persian poet Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi (or simply Rumi) in an upcoming biopic. Yes, that Leonardo DiCaprio. The one you’re looking at above.
“So help me god if the cheap ChapStick on his mouth gives me a $0.99 rash on my organic cheek” is what I imagine Goopy is thinking through that tight smile.
In case you’re not familiar with the concept of the “Free Pass“, it’s an invisible pretend coupon that one person presents to the person they’re with that grants them permission to do stuff with whomever they want. Sometimes it’s someone famous, like Jon Hamm or ScarJo or Jessie Spano’s hot step-brother Eric. Sometimes it’s a person you know, like the sexy cashier who gives you a wink when you buy butt cream at CVS. For Robert Downey Jr., the name written on his Free Pass is “Gwyneth Paltrow.”
RDJ was on The Howard Stern Show yesterday (via UsWeekly) to pimp out his latest reason for receiving a giant paycheck. After hinting that Gwyneth’s Iron Man character will probably make an appearance in another Marvel movie, the conversation turned to how his wife, Susan Downey, is totally fine with her husband making out with Gwyneth on-screen.
“I’m very happily married … but I guess I could dream a bit. My ‘free pass’ is, because her and Susan are such good friends, is Paltrow. I gotta get her back in these movies, so I can make out with her on screen again.”
However, that doesn’t mean that Robert Downey Jr. has permission to hump on Gwyneth in his Iron Man trailer during lunch. RDJ says his wife doesn’t care what happens while the cameras are rolling, but that’s about as far as his Free Pass goes.
That’s pretty loose definition of a Free Pass. No fucking? Free Passes must work differently in Hollywood. Maybe it’s because so many on-screen make-outs have turned into a call to the housekeeper asking them to pack up their stuff and send it in a cab to their co-star’s house. That’s probably what Susan meant with that Free Pass. “Okay, you can kiss on Gwyneth as much as you want. But I swear to god, if you come home one day smelling like mugworth steam…”