You’ve heard of “No Glove, No Love”–well here’s “No Mask, No Ass!” Fresh off from telling the people of Canada that glory holes are where it’s at during the pandemic, Dr. Theresa Tam, Canada’s Chief Public Health Officer, gave a statement which suggests that a good way to stay safe during COVID-19 is to keep the mask on during fuck times and not kiss any new people. Mask on and no kissing? DL tops, your time is now!
Yes, that picture is from a Texas brothel, but during these times, who cares about technicalities!
The world is freaking out, and for good reason. My inbox is flooded with emails from businesses that all start with: “We here at Menchie’s take COVID-19 very seriously”. Starbucks just announced they’re switching over to to-go orders only, all the festivals are kaput, and people definitely aren’t going to the movies. But the oldest profession in the world is still alive and well. Yep, Vegas brothels are open, but with a few extra safety precautions. Come and get it (it being the coronavirus), boys! Continue reading
Scott Eastwood is an attractive, wealthy, privileged, male, from a famous family, who is having lots of sex. So he’s someone who really anyone can identify with. Right? Scott was on the Live Life Better podcast (full episode after the cut) where he spoke with relationship expert Emily Morse. From the episode we learned a lot about Scott’s sex drive, which is valuable information to have.
“So help me god if the cheap ChapStick on his mouth gives me a $0.99 rash on my organic cheek” is what I imagine Goopy is thinking through that tight smile.
In case you’re not familiar with the concept of the “Free Pass“, it’s an invisible pretend coupon that one person presents to the person they’re with that grants them permission to do stuff with whomever they want. Sometimes it’s someone famous, like Jon Hamm or ScarJo or Jessie Spano’s hot step-brother Eric. Sometimes it’s a person you know, like the sexy cashier who gives you a wink when you buy butt cream at CVS. For Robert Downey Jr., the name written on his Free Pass is “Gwyneth Paltrow.”
RDJ was on The Howard Stern Show yesterday (via UsWeekly) to pimp out his latest reason for receiving a giant paycheck. After hinting that Gwyneth’s Iron Man character will probably make an appearance in another Marvel movie, the conversation turned to how his wife, Susan Downey, is totally fine with her husband making out with Gwyneth on-screen.
“I’m very happily married … but I guess I could dream a bit. My ‘free pass’ is, because her and Susan are such good friends, is Paltrow. I gotta get her back in these movies, so I can make out with her on screen again.”
However, that doesn’t mean that Robert Downey Jr. has permission to hump on Gwyneth in his Iron Man trailer during lunch. RDJ says his wife doesn’t care what happens while the cameras are rolling, but that’s about as far as his Free Pass goes.
That’s pretty loose definition of a Free Pass. No fucking? Free Passes must work differently in Hollywood. Maybe it’s because so many on-screen make-outs have turned into a call to the housekeeper asking them to pack up their stuff and send it in a cab to their co-star’s house. That’s probably what Susan meant with that Free Pass. “Okay, you can kiss on Gwyneth as much as you want. But I swear to god, if you come home one day smelling like mugworth steam…”