Category: Princess Eugenie
Princess Beatrice Might Just Have A Really Big Post-Coronavirus Wedding Next Year To Boost Morale
Edoardo Mapeli Mozzi has just been given yet another chance to cut and run before throws it all away by marrying into Britain’s #1 crime family. The Peaky Blinders ain’t got nothing on The Yorks! According to The Daily Mail, Princess Beatrice may now be looking to postpone her wedding for an entire year in the hopes that a big splashy royal wedding will be just the thing to “bolster the nation’s morale” after the coronavirus lockdown has ended. Apparently, Bea’s still chasing the dream of having a wedding to rival that of her sister Princess Eugenie’s, perhaps forgetting that that spectacle was deemed a ratings flop and waste of taxpayer money. I guess the oxygen level on whatever planet Bea is living on is thinner than her dad Prince Andrew’s Pizza Express Defense.
Princess Beatrice’s Wedding Is Set For This May
When Princess Beatrice got engaged to her alleged cheating slut of a boyfriend, real estate mogul Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, she probably thought she was going to get an extravagant Disney princess wedding like her sister Princess Eugenie did (complete with MILLIONS of adoring subjects). But then her father Prince Andrew’s name came up more and more as being a good friend to dead pedo Jeffrey Epstein and we heard more and more about how one of Epstein’s alleged sex trafficking victims Virginia Giuffre was forced to have sex with Prince Andrew. And Prince Andrew gave that interview that should be on Wikipedia’s list of history’s biggest disasters. That caused a wave of shit to knock away Bea’s dreams of waving from an opulent royal carriage at all the peasants who came out to see her (read: the tumbleweeds and crickets, no offense to tumbleweeds and crickets).
For a minute there, it looked like maybe that Edoardo dude would realize that the Royal Family step on the social ladder is half-broken and stepping on it will cause him to fall to the bottom, and he’d call off the wedding. But that didn’t happen, and now People has spit up the date for Bea and Edoardo’s date. .
Princesses Beatrice And Eugenie Could Pick Up The Royal Slack Left By Prince Harry And Meghan Markle
Hello! Magazine says that now that Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have quit their “jobs” as full-time royals and will mostly live in Canada, someone has to take over their roles of waving and smiling at the peasants at the opening of a park, or something. One royal biographer believes that Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie, the daughters of The Original Fergie and Prince Andrew, will be moved up from B royals to A royals and put their waving hands to good use.
Princess Beatrice’s Engagement Party Happened But Her Dad Prince Andrew Didn’t Attend
I guess Prince Andrew was too full of mummy’s turkey to attend his daughter’s engagement party last night. I can’t think of a single other reason he wouldn’t have been there. Oh well, tryptophan strikes again! Princess Beatrice and Edoardo “Edo” Mapelli Mozzi’s engagement party was held last night at Chiltern Firehouse, as originally planned. It was previously reported that the party had been cancelled due to the lack of privacy at the London venue because Bea didn’t want the paparazzi standing outside screaming “Andrew! Andrew! Look over here!” all night. Although he was in attendance at The Queen‘s annual pre-Christmas turkey lunch held earlier that day, Andrew was unable to attend the engagement party, presumably because he has another rare medical condition, one that gives him explosive diarrhea if he has even a bite of mummy’s turkey. Problem solved! The party was back on, and Andrew, again, presumably, spent the evening shitting his brains out and berating his footman to “wipe faster, you fool!” Obviously this is just a guess, why else would he miss it!? You can’t tell me Falklands war hero Prince Andrew is afraid of a couple of paparazzo. It’s not like he has anything to hide.
Prince Andrew’s Daughters Beatrice And Eugenie Are Said To Be “Deeply Distressed” But Remain Loyal
This was finally supposed to be Princess Beatrice’s year. If her daddy Prince Andrew could have just kept his dumb mouth shut a little while longer, his involvement in the what I’ll now call “The Epstein Bother”, might have blown over in time for Bea to have the wedding of her dreams. As it stands, Bea will be lucky to get that Pizza Express in Woking to cater the event because according to The Daily Beast, Princess Bea’s wedding to Italian property tycoon Edo Mapelli Mozzi, will be “among the first casualties of Andrew’s new reduced status.” All the same, Bea and her sister Princess Eugenie are sticking by Andrew despite being “deeply distressed”, which is slightly better than “appalled” but not nearly as good as “scandalized!”
Prince Andrew Is Having A Grand Old Time In Spain As Evidence Of An Epstein Mansion Foot Massage Comes Out
After trying to use his own mother THE QUEEN as a human shield (granted her hats do make for an effective barrier), Prince Andrew has enlisted the help of another woman in his life to make it seem like everything is very normal and fine. Timed oh-so conveniently with the release of a 2013 email which places Andrew in his pal (and current corpse) Jeffrey Epstein‘s Manhattan mansion getting a foot massage by two “young well-dressed Russian women”, Andrew flew the coop with his ex-wife, Original Fergie, and (private) jetted off on a golfing holiday in southern Spain, where the only thing that’s appalling is his par. Well, that and the way his nipples show through his polo shirts.