The New York Daily News is reporting that humanity is still out here proving that we’re hands-down the worst species on the planet. YouTube couple, Cole and Savannah LaBrant, are getting some shit for doing what YouTubers do: act a mess for attention and $$$$. It all started because of what they thought was a harmless prank for April Fool’s Day. A bit of a funny jest to play on their children and record it for the amusement of their 8.7 million (Really guys? You don’t have families of your own to pay attention to? Or…?) followers. But it took a hard turn pretty fast and went from fun familial jokestering to potentially traumatic.
Vegans do not fuck around. Much like Santa Claus, they know when you are sleeping, they know when you’re awake, they know when you’ve been bad or good, and they know when you’ve eaten MEAT, you heathen bitch! Earlier this month, they dragged Ariana Grande because her allegedly-vegan Starbucks beverage was definitely not vegan. PETA drags everyone from feminists who eat eggs, to people who use English phrases about killing birds with stones. They don’t play around. Which is why it’s crazy that raw vegan YouTuber (why did I get an education?) Yovana Mendoza Ayres, known as Rawvana who has over 450,000 subscribers, thought she could get away with pretending to be a raw vegan and then going out and eating–GASP–fish.
Shane Dawson is officially off the market. Mere days after doing damage control after getting raked through the coals when audio surfaced of him describing a sexual encounter he had with his cat, Shane has just announced his engagement. To his cat! Of course I’m kidding, bestiality is still illegal in this country as is cross-species matrimony. No, Shane got engaged to his boyfriend of 3 years, fellow YouTuber Ryland Adams.
All together now: RUUUUN, CAT, RUUUUUUUUUUUN!
30-year-old Shane Dawson (pronounced “WHO?!” to us olds) is one of the biggest (and probably one of the richest) YouTubers with over 21 million subscribers. And like many big YouTubers, he has mouth sharted up some foolery which he has had to give a totally real and genuine apology for. Shane had to put on his best sowwwy face to apologize for doing blackface repeatedly and for things he’s said about pedophilia. And yesterday, Shane, who came out as bisexual in 2015, had to once again try to save his YouTube Kingdom with a sorry after a clip came out of him telling the tale of the first time he got on pussy, and by pussy I mean an actual cat. Again: RUUUUN, CAT, RUUUUUUUUUUUN!
We’ve gotten to the point now where the name Logan Paul has become more synonymous with a piece of shit than toilet paper. So it should be no great shock that he’s in trouble again for his insufferable antics.
On Monday, 22-year-old Logan uploaded a video of himself and two friends finding two dead rats on his patio. Logan declared: “No rat comes into my house without getting tased!” before whipping a taser from the waistband of his pants and zapping them. He tases them again as their bodies go into the trash.
Deadline says that after Logan got backlash for the video, YouTube punished him by gently tapping him on the wrist again. They have temporarily suspended advertising on his channel. They deemed the content “unsuitable for brands.” In the same video, Logan Paul also makes a joke about the Tide Pod Challenge. So I’m just going to leave it up to the skeptics out there to decided whether it was the dead rodents or the bad press for a huge corporate sponsor that got him in trouble.
YouTube released the following statement:
“We believe he has exhibited a pattern of behavior in his videos that makes his channel not only unsuitable for advertisers, but also potentially damaging to the broader creator community.”
Logan Paul has 16.6 million subscribers. YouTube doesn’t say how long his advertising suspension will be. He has uploaded three videos since the rat-tasing video, and I’m positive this isn’t the last obnoxious video he’ll post. Rats could seek vengeance against their humiliated brothers by breaking into Logan’s pantry and shitting in all his dry goods, and he’d respond with a video titled: Rats Shat in My Pasta?!? Watch Me Eat It! SPONSORED BY RONZONI.
Logan Paul became a familiar name outside of 3rd grade circles earlier this month when he uploaded a video of himself and friends looking at the body of a man who hung himself in Japan’s Aokigahara forest in (sometimes known as the “suicide forest“). YouTube never removed the video; Logan Paul eventually removed it, and gave two apologies before going on a self-imposed hiatus.
YouTube took their time deciding what to do about Logan Paul, but they’ve finally come to a conclusion. Logan will still be able to upload videos of himself dabbing on them haters, it’s just that now he’ll be paid a little bit less for it.