The Royal Family Is Not Racist, So Says Prince William

March 11, 2021 / Posted by:

Well, everyone, case closed! Racism does not exist in the Royal Family! Prince William has said so! I guess this also means that the sky is not blue, water is not wet, bears do not shit in the woods, and P. Willy’s got a head full of luscious locks and he’s been wearing a bald cap this entire time!

William and Duchess Kate did one of their hand-shaking elbow-bumping events today, and a reporter asked him a couple of questions including if the Royal Family is racist. William should’ve just pretended that the question got lost in the wind and never made it into his earholes, but instead, he answered it, saying that they’re not racist. As the laugh track was cued up, Princess Michael of Kunt’s racist brooch probably threw the most scathing side-eye, and Prince Philip’s ears burned something extra after hearing the words “racist” and “royal” while¬†in his hospital bed.

During Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s interview with Oprah (which also doubled as the best ever commercial for Peter Brady’s outdoor furniture collection), Meghan delivered a blind item royale by claiming that when she was pregnant with Archie, a member of the Royal Family raised “concerns” with Harry about how dark their baby’s skin color will be. And I’m sure that as the Racist Royal raised those concerns, they used their phone to Google “What skin bleach products work best on newborn skin?” Meghan and Harry refused to name names with Meghan saying it would be “very damaging” to the Royal Family if she dropped the racist in question’s name. Oprah later said that Harry told her that the racist comment didn’t come from the mouths of THE QUEEN and Prince Philip. That made my eyes land on both Prince Charles and Prince William. But obviously, it’s not Prince Charles since he pulled a total non-STUNT QUEEN move yesterday by making sure he was photographed with several Black people at an event. And while Prince William and Duchess Kate visited a school in east London today, Inzamam Rashid of Sky News asked him if he’s talked to Harry and also if his family is racist:

Inzamam: Sir, have you spoken to your brother since the interview?

William: No, I haven’t spoken to him yet, but I will do.

Inzamam: And can you just let me know if the Royal Family is a racist family?

William: We are very much not a racist family.

In Buckingham Palace’s statement about the accusations, THE QUEEN said that the racist claims were “concerning” and that the family would privately look into them. There’s no need for that now since Prince William has let us know that racism does not exist in his family!

Here’s the clip that is sponsored by WatchuTalkinBoutWilliam.GIF:

Besides saying nothing, I’m not sure what he was supposed to say that question. It’s not like he was going to say, “We sure are, mate!”, before pulling out a long ass scroll listing¬†all the racist shit his family has said and done before. And obviously, William’s PR people didn’t let him know that when someone accuses you of racism, the last thing you should do is say that you’re not racist because that’s exactly what a racist would say! William should’ve just pointed into the distance and screamed, “Lookee, it’s my grandmummy and her new damage control Corgis!”, before jumping into his getaway chariot.

Pic: AP

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