Category: Please Report To The Devil’s Office

The Jury In Danny Masterson’s Rape Trial Was Ordered To Restart Deliberations After Two Jurors Were Replaced Due To COVID-19

November 29, 2022 / Posted by:

I’m not sure what a typical Thanksgiving meal looks like for a Scientologist, but I’m fairly certain, in my bones, that those phony fuckers can’t cook for shit. There’s probably some tenant against real butter and I’m fairly certain everything is salty as hell, so they spend all weekend on the toilet pissing out make-believe toxins. So no matter what whack-ass food you might have had to choke down over the holiday, just know that Danny Masterson had it worse. Not only did his Thanksgiving turkey probably get audited, overbrined, and stuffed with 5,000 mg of niacin, he also had to choke on the fact that a deadlocked jury would be returning to their deliberations to determine his guilt or innocence on three counts of forceable rape

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R. Kelly Found Guilty Of Several Charges In Sex Abuse Case

September 15, 2022 / Posted by:

It’s been one year since R. Kelly was found guilty of racketeering and sex trafficking charges in New York. So how did Lady Justice decide to celebrate the one-year anniversary of R. Kelly finally getting hit with a GO TO FUCKING PRISON card? Well, Lady Justice celebrated by serving up more justice. Yesterday in Chicago, a jury declared that R. Kelly is guilty of several “child pornography counts” and “several counts of enticement of a minor to engage in criminal sexual activity.” 55-year-old R. Kelly is already serving a 30-year prison sentence in NY, and now he’s facing another 10 to 90 years in the chokey. So if you’re ever down in the dumps and need a quick pick-me-up, just remind yourself that R. Kelly will probably rot in prison.

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Josh Duggar And His Smug Face Have Been Sentenced To 151 Months In The Clink

May 25, 2022 / Posted by:

Well, it looks like Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar’s heave-inducing pleas for the judge to go easy on their pedophile son, Josh Duggar, fell harder than Michelle’s hair in humidity (or Jim Bob’s failed Senate campaign). Because Mr. Potato Head’s child-touching trash nephew was sentenced today to 12 and a half years in federal prison for possessing child sex abuse materials. If only cameras were allowed in the courtroom. My drug of choice today would be watching the smug fall off of Josh’s face as he was sentenced. But then again, I’m pretty sure the smug is permanently stuck to his mug.

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Ghislaine Maxwell Has Been Found Guilty Of Sex Trafficking A Minor

December 29, 2021 / Posted by:

It looks like 2021 isn’t a flaming pile of shit-wrapped tonsil stones after all. First, Josh Duggar was found guilty of downloading and possessing child sexual abuse materials, and today, a jury found predatory ghoul Ghislaine Maxwell guilty of all but one charge in her sex trafficking trial. It may be December 29 but the Christmas gifts keep coming!

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FINALLY, Some Good News: Josh Duggar Found Guilty On Both Counts In His Child Pornography Trial

December 9, 2021 / Posted by:

The Duggars who still stand by the rotten pedophile potato from HELL that is Josh Duggar are probably looking up at the sky today with a confused face because all their praying to God to free him must have been lost in translation. KARK reports that a federal jury in Fayetteville, Arkansas found 33-year-old Josh Duggar guilty of downloading and possession of materials of children being sexually abused. Each count brings a maximum of 20 years in prison, which means this throbbing zit on Satan’s ass could be locked up for 40 years. Can’t wait for the awkward silences and thrown side-eyes when wannabe Arkansas senator Jim Bob Duggar starts burping up shit about “family values” during his campaign.

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Josh Duggar’s Wife Storms Out Of Court After Prosecutors Allege That The Password He Used To Access The Dark Web Was The Same As His Family’s IG Account

December 6, 2021 / Posted by:

You know how they say you shouldn’t use the same password for everything because it’s not safe? Well, pedophile piece of trash Josh Duggar is giving us a PRIME example of that as he continues his trial for being charged with receiving and possessing child sexual abuse materials. And let’s just say that Ghislaine Maxwell must be happy this trial is going on at the same time to take a little attention away from her “alleged” predatory actions. Josh was charged back in April and the trial began at the end of last month. Not only have details emerged about the “porn” Josh likes (spoiler alert: it’s beyond dark-sided) but he is alleged to have used the same password to access his child sexual abuse materials as he did for the family’s Instagram account, their bank account, and much more.

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