In case you missed (or purposely dodged) all of the pics on your timeline of families in their Target best captioned “He has risen!” yesterday, it was Easter. But it was also the one-year anniversary of Nicola and Brooklyn Peltz Beckham tying the knot in a lavish wedding, which triggered a frivolous lawsuit! To mark this momentous occasion (the anniversary, not the rising from the dead thing), Nicola’s billionaire parents, Nelson and Claudia Peltz, reportedly hosted Brooklyn and Nicola along with David and Victoria Beckham at their Palm Beach compound so everyone could get together and put a cork in their
bolognese family feud.
When there’s trouble in paradise, or in this case, in California by way of Florida, sometimes the only thing to do is DEFLECT – DEFLECT – DEFLECT! According to E! News, Brooklyn Peltz Beckham showed off a brand new tattoo, a giant portrait of Nicola Peltz Beckham’s face, his wifey of just under a year, after embarrassing details about the couple’s $13 million “shit-show” of a wedding, rife with secrets and superfudge (auto-correct and it stays), were revealed earlier this week. Brooklyn’s latest masterpiece is proudly on display in the Wifey Wing on his bicep and is now part of the permanent collection at the Brooklyn Museum of Matrimonial Art (BMMA).
Nicola And Brooklyn Peltz Beckham’s Wedding “Chaos” Is Detailed In A Counter-Suit Filed By The Wedding Planners Her Dad Is Suing
You don’t become a billionaire by throwing money away. Sure, it’s a great way to become an ex-billionaire, but you’re not making your way to the top of the food chain without getting litigious about every nickel and dime you think you’re owed. So it was no surprise that Nicola Peltz’s billionaire daddy, Nelson Peltz, decided to sue a pair of wedding planners for $159,000, a mere drop in one of the many buckets he’s probably got stashed under the tap of one of his untraceable overseas bank accounts. But unfortunately for Daddy Peltz, the bucket bit back and now he’s being counter-sued for breach of contract by Nicole Braghin and Arianna Grijalba, the third set of wedding planners they used, who were fired after an alleged nine days in hell of dealing with Nicola and her mom Claudia Peltz’ disorganization and unreasonable demands the planners claim kept them from doing their job.
⅓ of the BeckPelMez throuple, Brooklyn Beckham, has been trying to shove his basic-ass food down everyone’s throats for a minute now, ever since waking up one day and deciding that he wanted to be a “chef.” And so it was, since Victoria and David Beckham are his parents, and he has the means to put on any fleeting career-hat of his choosing. But he’s been catching so much flack for his lack of training and execution of recipes that Mommy Becks took a time out from feuding with Brooklyn and his wife, Nicola Peltz Beckham, to defend the roast beef he made on his reel the other day (as if she eats roast beef; we know she only eats fish and toast). If Brooklyn is keeping count of the people in his corner, he can now add another notch to his eyebrow because he just gained another defender in the form of sweary celebrity chef/Beckham family friend Gordon Ramsay. Though Gordon would scream, “IT’S FUCKENNNN RAWWWWE,” right in the face of anyone else who made that roast, he instead offered the insight that Brooklyn can’t help who his parents are and things are really hard for him, so everyone needs to cut him a break.
I’m sure Victoria Beckham couldn’t be any more proud of her son, Brooklyn Beckham, for not only keeping up with his pandemic hobby for two entire years, but also for making a career for himself out of it. To think, had Brooklyn taken up drinking too much and masturbating in the middle of the day like the rest of us, instead of learning how to cook; well, he’d be broke and bloated with a raw pee-pee/woo-woo like the rest of us. Instead, his business is thriving. So much so he’s had to bring on help! And not just in the kitchen. We all know that the concepts of “dining” and “cuisine” were heretofore foreign to Victoria, but now that they are the only things separating Brooklyn from reaching his full potential and professional destitution, she’s had to step out of her comfort zone to defend Brooklyn against charges of under-cooking a roast of beef in his latest
tutorial sizzle reel.
It’s simply not true that everybody in The Business has had work done. The film, television, and music industries are chock-full of natural beauties of every shape and size. Including noses! Yet, somehow, “people have said” that pop-star come fashion mogul Victoria Beckham has had a nose job. But unlike Victoria’s perfectly shaped, petite, little button nose, those people have made a BIG HONKING MISTAKE. According to Entertainment Tonight, Victoria set the record straight (if not her nose because it doesn’t need it, it’s perfect just as God made it, thank you very much) whilst shilling products from her Victoria Beckham Beauty line of makeup in a video aptly titled Beauty Grifting Secrets (if you make a typo and it stays). Sorry, haters, but Posh’s schnoz is made from 100% certifiable, hypoallergenic, vegan, gluten-free, soy-free human flesh and cartilage with just a whiff, if you will, of VBB Bronzing Brick ($58 wherever noses are sold).