⅓ of the BeckPelMez throuple, Brooklyn Beckham, has been trying to shove his basic-ass food down everyone’s throats for a minute now, ever since waking up one day and deciding that he wanted to be a “chef.” And so it was, since Victoria and David Beckham are his parents, and he has the means to put on any fleeting career-hat of his choosing. But he’s been catching so much flack for his lack of training and execution of recipes that Mommy Becks took a time out from feuding with Brooklyn and his wife, Nicola Peltz Beckham, to defend the roast beef he made on his reel the other day (as if she eats roast beef; we know she only eats fish and toast). If Brooklyn is keeping count of the people in his corner, he can now add another notch to his eyebrow because he just gained another defender in the form of sweary celebrity chef/Beckham family friend Gordon Ramsay. Though Gordon would scream, “IT’S FUCKENNNN RAWWWWE,” right in the face of anyone else who made that roast, he instead offered the insight that Brooklyn can’t help who his parents are and things are really hard for him, so everyone needs to cut him a break.
I’m sure Victoria Beckham couldn’t be any more proud of her son, Brooklyn Beckham, for not only keeping up with his pandemic hobby for two entire years, but also for making a career for himself out of it. To think, had Brooklyn taken up drinking too much and masturbating in the middle of the day like the rest of us, instead of learning how to cook; well, he’d be broke and bloated with a raw pee-pee/woo-woo like the rest of us. Instead, his business is thriving. So much so he’s had to bring on help! And not just in the kitchen. We all know that the concepts of “dining” and “cuisine” were heretofore foreign to Victoria, but now that they are the only things separating Brooklyn from reaching his full potential and professional destitution, she’s had to step out of her comfort zone to defend Brooklyn against charges of under-cooking a roast of beef in his latest
tutorial sizzle reel.
It’s simply not true that everybody in The Business has had work done. The film, television, and music industries are chock-full of natural beauties of every shape and size. Including noses! Yet, somehow, “people have said” that pop-star come fashion mogul Victoria Beckham has had a nose job. But unlike Victoria’s perfectly shaped, petite, little button nose, those people have made a BIG HONKING MISTAKE. According to Entertainment Tonight, Victoria set the record straight (if not her nose because it doesn’t need it, it’s perfect just as God made it, thank you very much) whilst shilling products from her Victoria Beckham Beauty line of makeup in a video aptly titled Beauty Grifting Secrets (if you make a typo and it stays). Sorry, haters, but Posh’s schnoz is made from 100% certifiable, hypoallergenic, vegan, gluten-free, soy-free human flesh and cartilage with just a whiff, if you will, of VBB Bronzing Brick ($58 wherever noses are sold).
David Beckham Reportedly Chewed Out Brooklyn Beckham After Nicola Peltz Discussed Their Family Drama In A Magazine
If you’ve recently been experiencing headaches, vertigo, and persistent tinnitus, it may be because the high-pitched, squeaky wails of David Beckham bounced off the Tower of London, traveled the halls of Buckingham Palace, and then made their way across the English Channel and Atlantic floating directly into your earholes. Reportedly, Daddy Beckham had finally had enough of the drama that’s been plaguing their family ever since his son, Brooklyn Beckham, married Nicola Peltz. Apparently, Nicola’s recent magazine interview where she aired out some of the rumored drama between her and mother-in-law, Victoria Beckham, was the straw that broke the wee church mouse’s vocal cords, and David finally reamed out Brooklyn hoping to put a stop to the feud.
The Future Of “The Peltz Beckham Empire” Is Uncertain As The Beckham And Peltz Families Continue To Feud
I’ve got to be honest with you, I thought initial reports that Victoria Beckham was in a blood feud with her new daughter-in-law, Nicola Peltz, were a bit of a goof. Just a fun, petty little diversion. I certainly could not have predicted that in just a matter of months, the Beckhams and the Peltz would be settin’ up on their palatial porches, shotguns at the ready, willing to risk it all to become the Hatfields and McCoys of the 1%. Boy was I wrong. Page Six reports that Brooklyn Beckham’s parents, the model and the footballer, are going toe-to-toe with Nicola’s parents, the billionaire and his wife, over the future of the burgeoning Peltz Beckham empire. Sources say the cessation of mutual Instagram liking between Victoria and Nicola is merely “collateral damage” in a fight that is threatening to destroy them all, or at the very least, Thanksgiving in Turks and Caicos.
Nicola Peltz Slams People Who Make Her Feel Bad Amid Rumors That She And Victoria Beckham Can’t Stand Each Other
Newlywed and dramatic actor Nicola Peltz is putting her theatric skills to test in a new Instagram post. If you’re wondering, “Uh, who?” Nicola is THE New Mrs. Beckham a.k.a. Brooklyn Beckham’s wife. In the short time that she’s been with Brooklyn, Nicola has become Victoria Beckham’s new nemesis, knocking Crocs from the top spot. It’s no secret that Victoria does not care for her daughter-in-law and the resulting feud has led to some discord amongst the family members. Nicola can no longer take the bad vibes and posted her private, intimate FEELINGS on social media for the public to consume.