Balenciaga Who? Kim Kardashian Showed Off Some Of Her Favorite Things In Her Haunted Mausoleum
Not having much of a personal investment in the outcome of Kanye West (sorry but mononyms like “Ye” must be earned, not taken) and Kim Kardashian’s divorce, I was surprised to find myself getting a little misty-eyed thinking about the potential fate of their haunted mausoleum which has provided me with many years of much-needed catharsis and amusement. Yet it seems Kim’s friend Foodgod (mononym earned) isn’t the only deity working in/for her favor. Even now that Kanye has been kicked to the curb, Hephaestus, the Greek God of design and creativity, continues to shine his favor on Kim and all she touches and sits her ass on in that barren wasteland she calls a home.
In a recent Instagram post, Kim shared a series of pictures of “Things at home that make me happy,” which, much to my delight, includes a hard marble stool two sizes too small for her ass that she presumably sits in while still wet from the shower to test the responsiveness of her remaining nerve endings while staring into the middle distance contemplating the possible consequences of her next move as dictated by her mother, Kris Jenner. According to TMZ, Kim’s most recent directive is to continue to distance herself from beleaguered bondage-bear peddlers Balenciaga.
Kim Kardashian announced she’s ‘re-evaluating’ her future with Balenciaga, but it appears she’s made up her mind … declining an offer from the brand, and ditching outfits she was set to wear at upcoming events.
Sources with direct knowledge of the situation tell us the design house presented Kim an offer to do a 2023 Balenciaga campaign before the controversial child BDSM ads went live. We’re told once those ads went public, Kim made the decision to reject the offer … even before releasing a statement on the issue.
Not only that … our sources say Kim had plans to wear Balenciaga outfits at events she’s attending in coming months, but she’s pulled the plug and contacted other designers for new options.
Hephaestus, please. Kim’s gonna need all the help she can get picking a new style if the continued state of the haunted mausoleum is any indication of her personal aesthetic. Even without Kanye’s keen eye for the bleak and depressing, Kim’s managed to maintain the same cold, forbidding environment that’s thrilled and tickled my righteous schadenfreude for her tacky, pretentious ass for years. People reports:
Sticking to her house’s minimalist theme, each piece reflects muted tones to match the color scheme. In one photo, she shows off a light gray cup and saucer that compliments the marble countertops and chairs. Another spotlights a carved stone seat in her primary bathroom, which is currently decked out with 8 Christmas trees.
Two wider shots show a serene, dimly lit bedroom with the bed resting on a massive stone platform and a living space with a fuzzy white sofa and chairs.
Kardashian shared a few favorite artworks as well. An abstract photo appears to show a circular work by the artist James Turrell. Kardashian’s sister Kendall Jenner has one of his pieces in her home as well. Another close-up shows a slashed canvas that seems to be a Lucio Fontana work.
Nothing screams “children thrive here” like artwork that resembles the shredded husk of a burlap sack bearing the mark of the Krampus’ rapier claws. But it’s a trick. That’s how he lures them in and catches them! Fun Fact: Those mugs are single use. They’re extremely porous. Once they’re filled with blood, they can’t be used again.
Even the children’s basketball court looks haunted as fuck. How does she do it?! I was fearing that Kim might do a style 180 post-Kanye and go full Rococo, given her love of florals. But she’s somehow even managed to make a surfeit of roses look as ominous as twelve missed calls, and three voicemails marked urgent from “Mom” in the span of 10 minutes.
This was posted on November 17. So post-Halloween. Those are not mummies standing in the corners. Those ARE THE CHILDREN!!!!
Pic: Instagram