Category: Damage Control

Taylor Swift’s Newest Song “You’re Losing Me” Is Probably About Her Split From Joe Alwyn

May 27, 2023 / Posted by:

As expected, the Garth Brooks of pop Taylor Swift released her 846th version of her seventh-month-old album Midnights (okay, it was her fifth version… and counting). Initially, it was sold EXCLUSIVELY in CD form at her Eras show in New Jersey last night. But she later released the version, The Late Night Edition, in digital format in her webstore. That edition features a new song called You’re Losing Me, where she sings, “I wouldn’t marry me either/A pathological people pleaser/ Who only wanted you to see her.”  So basically, everyone’s thinking that Taylor and Joe Alwyn broke up after six years together because he didn’t want to marry her. And to Swifties, those lyrics are a battle cry, and they’re pulling out their weapons (aka emojis) as they get ready to ATTACK!

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Taylor Swift Is Getting Called Out For Her “Calculated” Collaboration With Ice Spice

May 25, 2023 / Posted by:

Subtle” was redefined yesterday when Taylor Swift burped up the news that she’s releasing new versions of two songs from her album Midnights. TayTay announced that she and Lana Del Rey recorded a new version of their song Snow on the Beach and that she and IT rapper of the moment, Ice Spice, did a remix of her song Karma. Many have stamped the latter collab with the words “DAMAGE CONTROL” since TayTay’s current poo (typo and it stays), Matty Healy, laughed at racist comments about Ice Spice on a podcast. And while some Swifties have once again defended their savior over this, others are adding this damage control jewel to TayTay’s Queen of Performative Acts crown.

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Balenciaga Who? Kim Kardashian Showed Off Some Of Her Favorite Things In Her Haunted Mausoleum

December 1, 2022 / Posted by:

Not having much of a personal investment in the outcome of Kanye West (sorry but mononyms like “Ye” must be earned, not taken) and Kim Kardashian’s divorce, I was surprised to find myself getting a little misty-eyed thinking about the potential fate of their haunted mausoleum which has provided me with many years of much-needed catharsis and amusement. Yet it seems Kim’s friend Foodgod (mononym earned) isn’t the only deity working in/for her favor. Even now that Kanye has been kicked to the curb, Hephaestus, the Greek God of design and creativity, continues to shine his favor on Kim and all she touches and sits her ass on in that barren wasteland she calls a home.

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Ezra Miller Is Sowwy And Is In Treatment For “Complex Mental Health Issues”

August 16, 2022 / Posted by:

Well, it looks like there’s one thing that can temporarily stop Ezra Miller’s crime spree of terror that has hit Hawaii, Iceland, Vermont, and beyond. The answer is: threat of a breach of contract lawsuit from Warner Bros. and loss of more checks. I mean, it would be kind of hard for Ezra to run a cult in Iceland if trick can’t keep the lights on. Ezra The Terrible has sort of, not really, responded to the accusations of grooming, assault, abuse, kidnapping, thievery, and harassment by farting up a hollow non-apology that was totally not written by the PR team behind The Flash. Ezra adds that they’re in treatment for “complex mental health issues.” Surprisingly, Ezra’s damage control statement didn’t end with, “See! Everything’s okay now and you no longer have to feel shitty about buying a ticket to my movie The Flash, out in theaters on June 23, 2023!” Warner Bros. is slipping.

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Variety Says That Kim Kardashian’s Comments About “Work” Were Not Taken Out of Context

March 30, 2022 / Posted by:

During an interview with Variety, Kim Kardashian claimed that nobody wanted to work anymore, and that her only advice to women in business would be to, “Get your fucking ass up and work.” After receiving a mountain of backlash, eye rolls, and inquiries about where she gets the nerve, Kim clarified that statement, saying that it was taken out of context. Well, today Variety is the Dakota Johnson to Kim’s Ellen. Because according to Variety, actually no Kimberly, that “taken out of context” excuse isn’t the truth.

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Spike Lee Is Re-Editing An Episode Of His “NYC Epicenters” Docuseries After Getting Shit For Including 9/11 Truthers

August 26, 2021 / Posted by:

It’s fitting that Spike Lee looks like the conductor of the Fuckery Express in that picture above because he recently choo choo’d his way into some controversy and now he’s trying to choo choo his way out of it. Spike Lee made a docuseries for HBO Max called NYC Epicenters 9/11➔2021½, which covers some of the disasters and obstacles that NYC has faced this century, so far. It debuted last week and the episode devoted to the 9/11 terrorist attacks will air closer to the 20th anniversary of 9/11. That’s only a few weeks away and so Spike Lee is now furiously doing the damage control shuffle while re-editing it after getting criticized for including conspiracy theories from 9/11 truthers.

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