Category: Damage Control
Balenciaga Who? Kim Kardashian Showed Off Some Of Her Favorite Things In Her Haunted Mausoleum
Not having much of a personal investment in the outcome of Kanye West (sorry but mononyms like “Ye” must be earned, not taken) and Kim Kardashian’s divorce, I was surprised to find myself getting a little misty-eyed thinking about the potential fate of their haunted mausoleum which has provided me with many years of much-needed catharsis and amusement. Yet it seems Kim’s friend Foodgod (mononym earned) isn’t the only deity working in/for her favor. Even now that Kanye has been kicked to the curb, Hephaestus, the Greek God of design and creativity, continues to shine his favor on Kim and all she touches and sits her ass on in that barren wasteland she calls a home.
Ezra Miller Is Sowwy And Is In Treatment For “Complex Mental Health Issues”
Well, it looks like there’s one thing that can temporarily stop Ezra Miller’s crime spree of terror that has hit Hawaii, Iceland, Vermont, and beyond. The answer is: threat of a breach of contract lawsuit from Warner Bros. and loss of more checks. I mean, it would be kind of hard for Ezra to run a cult in Iceland if trick can’t keep the lights on. Ezra The Terrible has sort of, not really, responded to the accusations of grooming, assault, abuse, kidnapping, thievery, and harassment by farting up a hollow non-apology that was totally not written by the PR team behind The Flash. Ezra adds that they’re in treatment for “complex mental health issues.” Surprisingly, Ezra’s damage control statement didn’t end with, “See! Everything’s okay now and you no longer have to feel shitty about buying a ticket to my movie The Flash, out in theaters on June 23, 2023!” Warner Bros. is slipping.
Variety Says That Kim Kardashian’s Comments About “Work” Were Not Taken Out of Context
During an interview with Variety, Kim Kardashian claimed that nobody wanted to work anymore, and that her only advice to women in business would be to, “Get your fucking ass up and work.” After receiving a mountain of backlash, eye rolls, and inquiries about where she gets the nerve, Kim clarified that statement, saying that it was taken out of context. Well, today Variety is the Dakota Johnson to Kim’s Ellen. Because according to Variety, actually no Kimberly, that “taken out of context” excuse isn’t the truth.
Spike Lee Is Re-Editing An Episode Of His “NYC Epicenters” Docuseries After Getting Shit For Including 9/11 Truthers
It’s fitting that Spike Lee looks like the conductor of the Fuckery Express in that picture above because he recently choo choo’d his way into some controversy and now he’s trying to choo choo his way out of it. Spike Lee made a docuseries for HBO Max called NYC Epicenters 9/11➔2021½, which covers some of the disasters and obstacles that NYC has faced this century, so far. It debuted last week and the episode devoted to the 9/11 terrorist attacks will air closer to the 20th anniversary of 9/11. That’s only a few weeks away and so Spike Lee is now furiously doing the damage control shuffle while re-editing it after getting criticized for including conspiracy theories from 9/11 truthers.
There’s A Rumor Chrissy Teigen Wants To Do A Damage Control Interview With Oprah
Chrissy Teigen is on a mission to save her reputation, which is currently Cha-Cha DiGregorio levels of bad (Grease reference), after allegations that she bullied and wished death upon designer Michael Costello (who was also accused of asshole behavior). And a then-underage Courtney Stodden. Even though Chrissy’s publicly apologized twice, she reportedly wants to apologize some more to win back her lost fans (and her lost jobs). According to sources, the disgraced super relatable lifestyle guru/swimsuit model is angling to do a big interview with Oprah, a la Megan Markle, and Prince Harry. Apparently, Chrissy thinks she can talk her way out of this mess, and “if Oprah can forgive Chrissy, then so can the nation.” It’s true, they’ll have to. It’s written in their Constitution.
Tori Spelling Claims The Press Is To Blame For Her April Fools’ Day Stunt
Shhhhh. Hush, y’all. What is that plaintive little wail? I think it’s coming from storage locker #88,663. Could it be the cases of CBD lube quivering in fear, knowing what grim fate awaits them when Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott rush in breathlessly to grab a few more jars and set about installing fetus #6 into her vacant womb cave for real this time? There it is again. This must be what it sounds like when doves cry.
On April 1st, Tori posted an ill-conceived Instagram stunt, in which she’d claimed her beleaguered uterus was blessedly hosting a new hatchling. This had some people’s knickers in a knot over what appeared to be a lack of sensitivity for the plight of those who have miscarried or cannot conceive. Well, unlike her default position for Dean’s mighty, seed-shooting peen, Tori isn’t taking these accusations lying down and claims her pregnancy announcement was a way to turn the tables on the press.