A big “well pin a rose on your nose” to the new Mr. and Mrs. Stephanie Judith Tanner! People reported that Jodie Sweetin of Full House/Fuller House fame and Mescal Wasilewski, a clinical social worker, got married in the backyard of a private Malibu estate on Saturday evening. And if you’re feeling a vague tinge of “ehh, I have an uneasy feeling about this” deja vu, it might be because Jodie’s done this every few years; Mescal is her fourth husband since the early aughts (and there have been some unsuccessful engagements sprinkled in there as well). But while Jodie had her predictable child-star messy period, she’s seemingly gotten back on her own two feet again over the years–besides recently getting knocked off of them by overly-aggressive cops while she protested the overturning of Roe vs. Wade.
Lori Loughlin and her smarmy husband Mossimo Giannulli (along with Felicity Huffman) dominated headlines for a while after their involvement in the Operation Varsity Blues college admissions scandal was uncovered, their case progressed, and they served their subsequent time in the clink. During their downfall, Lori took every opportunity to show the public that she’s whiny, entitled, and oblivious, which is probably why Aunt Becky on Full House/Fuller House was her defining role. You would think that someone with notoriety and more money than sense who tried and very publicly failed to pull off a scam so privileged that it basically united a large portion of the country in muttering “aw hell naw” would just cry into their stacks of cash and go away forever, but not Lori–she’s a persistent “eternal optimist,” so she recently stepped out to grace her first red carpet since the college admissions scandal.
Olivia Jade might actually have to worry about maintaining a 2.0 GPA because the poor thing is still enrolled at USC. Turns out neither her nor her sister Isabella Giannulli actually dropped out as previously reported after Operation Varsity Blues sent their folks, Lori Loughlin and Mossimo Giannulli, to jail (and then back to their multi-million dollar Bel Air Mansion after posting $1 million in bail. Each!). Maybe the girls are waiting to actually get expelled so they can qualify for student unemployment benefits. Look, I went to community college for 6 years, I obviously don’t know how any of this works. But according to Today, Olivia and Isabella STILL might have a paper due for their Navigating Media and News in the Digital Age class. Haha, as if they write their own papers!
Because the second most popular life affirming mantra embroidered on lace trimmed pillows in basement lounge rooms is “It’s going to get worse before it gets better” (the first is “Live, Laugh, Love” obviously), the college admissions cheating scandal just got a little worse for the implicated parties. Felicity Huffman, Lori Loughlin, and their deep pocket buddies have been named in a $500 billion lawsuit by a mom and her son who say he was unfairly denied college admission due to these lying, cheating hos. Maybe they figured that if they win the $500 billion they can buy his way into college, too?
The Plot Thickens (Or Thins, Depending On How Much You Care): Elizabeth Olsen Was Never Asked To Do “Fuller House”
The makers of Making A Murderer are currently working on a second season for Netflix, but they need to hit the red ABORT button on those plans and instead shift their focus to investigating and thoroughly covering the journey to get Michelle Tanner in Fuller House. That American saga has more twists and turns than the Trollsens’ spinning heads when they do a Satanic spell on a bitch.
Good news for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen! They’ll get a chance to get revenge on those bold fucks at Fuller House for shading on them on the first episode. Netflix has ordered up Fuller House #2, so I’m going to take a wild guess and say that the Trollsens will tell the cast that yeah, they’ll do an episode this time. Then on shooting day, a gift box will show up with a card attached that reads, “To: The Cast, Love: The Trollsens.” After the cast opens up the box, they’ll scream bloody murder after they see Mr. Bear’s chopped off head in it. Mary-Kate and Ashley will giggle with evil glee as they look into their crystal ball and see those bitches cry and suffer.
Anyway, I’m about 5 episodes into Fuller House and so far, watching it is like eating giant spoonfuls of over-processed cheese covered with sugar and syrup. It’s cheesy, sickly sweet, offensive and at times it makes me gag and cringe (and I haven’t even gotten to the Bollywood episode yet…). It’s just like the original flavor! I want less of the kids and much more of the growns, but I still love how terrible it is. I guess many hos love it (or love to hate watch it) too, because Netflix wants more. Fuller House’s Twitter page announced that a second season is coming soon. They didn’t burp up any details other than that.
It’s always good to live in a time when Kimmy Gibbler is getting a regular check for being on TV, but…. The writers and producers of the first season of Fuller House should be fired for not including a very important cast member I mentioned in the first paragraph of this post. There’s no Mr. Bear!
How was it possible that they did Fuller House without Mr. Bear? Hopefully they right that wrong in season 2 when a fully grown Mr. Bear reunites with Stephanie and tells her about how he ran away to Hollywood and finally landed his big break as “angry mama bear” in The Revenant.
And here’s Stephanie Tanner making her way to Good Morning America where she announced that she’s going to be on Dancing with the Has-Beens next season.