Category: Operation Varsity Blues

Federal Prosecutors Want Felicity Huffman To Serve A Month In The Clink

September 7, 2019 / Posted by:

It’s been four months since Felicity Huffman decided that the best way to keep from landing herself a long-running role in Cell Block C Playhouse’s production of Desperate Cellmates is to cop a plea and admit guilt, which is what she did in May. Felicity pleaded guilty to committing mail fraud and honest services fraud by paying $15,000 to have a proctor correct the answers on her daughter’s SAT test in hopes of getting into a “good” college. Sentencing time is coming up, and it was reported that prosecutors were going to recommend 4 to 10 months in prison, but I guess their asses are Sports Night fans, because they’ve recommended only a month. Lori Loughlin is probably changing her mind about regretting her decision to not take a plea deal, because I mean, a whole entire month under fluorescent lighting and without Frette sheets?! She’d literally die.

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Lori Loughlin Really Regrets Not Copping A Deal In Her College Admissions Scandal Like Felicity Huffman Did

September 6, 2019 / Posted by:

It seems Lori Loughlin finally understands what anyone with any sort of common sense knew some time ago: She should have taken a deal like Felicity Huffman did after getting caught allegedly bribing her daughters’ way into college. There was talk that Lori and her husband Mossimo Giannulli believe that they’re going to be exonerated of all charges at trial. But now sources are saying that a bit of reason may have penetrated through the bubble of delusion that Lori is in.

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Lori Loughlin Reportedly Can’t Stop Googling Herself

August 26, 2019 / Posted by:

Lori Loughlin has a big day tomorrow, but based on what People Magazine is reporting, I doubt she’s going to be preparing by centering herself, staying well hydrated, and getting plenty of sleep. Instead, she’ll probably be up late again tonight obsessively Googling herself. Lori and her husband Mossimo Giannulli’s next court appearance is scheduled for tomorrow, and Lori “is obsessing over every detail of the case” because she ain’t got shit else to do.

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Lori Loughlin Supposedly Thinks That Being In Actual Jail Would Be Better Than The “Prison” She’s Currently In 

August 21, 2019 / Posted by:

Lori Loughlin really seems to be spending too much time trying to save her reputation before she even completes all her legal issues. The College Admissions Scandal that saw the rich people of America get called out for their overt bribery, seems like something that happened a hundred years ago and I barely even remember Felicity Huffman was involved because she pleaded guilty right away and is already moving on. Meanwhile, Lori has been out here having sources talk about all the nitty-gritty details.

And now those “sources” are talking to People Magazine and wants us all to feel sad for this rich and privileged woman suffering consequences for her pretentiousness and greed. Pull out a Kleenex.

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Today In “Lookout, We Have A Badass Over Here,” Olivia Jade Flips Off The Media 

August 12, 2019 / Posted by:

Olivia Jade must’ve been slowly dying inside over not being able to post on Instagram and all because her stupid parents, Lori Loughlin and Mossimo, RUINED EVERYTHING by getting caught allegedly paying her way into college so she go to game days and parties.  Well, Olivia is back and she really showed the media by flipping ’em off while wearing a Snoop Dogg t-shirt. Obviously, Olivia is a real hard badass now that she’s experienced prison. Hey, not being able to post on Instagram is like prison to her.

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Olivia Jade And Bella Giannulli Have Been Kicked Out Of Their USC Sorority

July 31, 2019 / Posted by:

While all their sorority sisters have been spending the summer either in Greece, Paris, or on a yacht, (the one exception seems to be the one girl who is actually interning at National Geographic, yuck), poor actual sisters Olivia Jade and Bella Giannulli are probably feeling the sting of rejection. According to Us Weekly, Kappa Kappa Gamma, the sorority to which both of Lori Loughlin and Mossimo’s daughters pledged fidelity, has kicked them out. It seems Kappa Kappa Gamma has a reputation to uphold that precludes fraternizing (sororitizing?) with alleged fraudsters who aren’t their own parents. While it’s still unknown if Jade and Bella will even be allowed to return to USC (their continued enrollment is currently under investigation), if they do, they might want to think about rushing USC’s 8th ranked sorority, Gamma Phi Beta (according to USC Greek Insider) where the girls all still go to Europe in the summer, but some of the yachts are paddle boards.

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