Well it’s official. Lori Loughlin is not not a felon. She and her husband Mossimo Giannulli logged onto Zoom this morning and pleaded guilty to charges stemming from inflated egos and too much damn money. As expected, after agreeing to a plea deal, Lori and Mossimo pleaded guilty to federal charges as a result of their efforts to get their daughters Oliva Jade and Isabella Rose Giannulli into USC on a fake crew scholarship even though, as one reporter put it, “neither rowed nor coxed competitively,” which, are you sure? I’ve coxed competitively, it’s not that hard. Additionally, while neither of them pleaded to it, Lori and Mossimo are both guilty of multiple counts of gross dumbassery for not taking a plea deal in the first place.
Page Six reports:
“Guilty,” said Loughin, seated next to her lawyer in a black blouse, when ask (sic) how she pleaded to the charge.
Her husband also pleaded guilty.
The former “Full House” star, 55, has agreed to serve two months in jail, pay a $150,000 fine and perform 100 hours of community service in exchange for pleading guilty to one count of conspiracy to commit wire and mail fraud.
Giannulli, 56, the fashion designer who founded the brand Mossimo, copped to two counts — conspiracy to commit wire and mail fraud and honest services wire and mail fraud. He has agreed to serve five months behind bars, pay a $250,000 fine and do 250 hours of community service.
As I mentioned previously, this court session took place remotely over video conferencing. According to Us Weekly:
The couple officially entered their guilty pleas on Friday morning during a Zoom court appearance amid the COVID-19 pandemic. They sat in separate rooms with their respective attorneys. Loughlin wore all black and smiled at the camera at one point, while Giannulli had on a black suit and tie and appeared nervous.
When the judge asked whether they would allow the case to move forward, the Full House alum responded, “Yes, your honor,” and the Mossimo founder replied, “Yes, sir.” Federal prosecutor Eric Rosen then read through a lengthy narrative of the evidence that would’ve been presented to the court if there had been a trial. Loughlin looked down with her brow furrowed at one point and looked up again once the prosecutor was finished. Giannulli, meanwhile, stared into the the camera with a deadpan expression.
During Friday’s hearing, Loughlin rocked from side-to-side, occasionally speaking with her lawyer and looking out the window.
That image of Lori rocking back and forth is probably going to be the only dose of schadenfreude we’re going to get for a while, so savor it. But Jesus what wouldn’t I give for there to have been a hot mic situation with Lori muttering “I did it, I scammed them all.” But Lori and Mossimo aren’t in the clear just yet. People reports that the judge won’t approve the plea “until he sees their pre-sentencing reports from the Massachusetts Probation Service.” Their sentencing is scheduled to take place on August 21st. Naturally, their lawyer has requested a July 30th date stating “Our clients would like finality of this process.” I hope the judge has a rubber stamp that reads “well you should have thought of that sooner, dummy.”
Sources tell People that Lori and Mossimo regret not having taken the plea deal sooner saying “in hindsight, they should have taken the first deals offered to them last spring, which were nearly the same exact terms as this deal.”
“They were adamant about not agreeing to a plea deal from the beginning, because they didn’t think the charges against them would hold. But as the prosecutor kept adding more felony charges, they were getting more involved in their defense and things just started spinning. It felt like it was never going to end,” says the source, adding, “They are of course concerned about jail time amidst the coronavirus outbreak.”
But really, none of this was necessary. Any one of us could have told Lori that her daughters weren’t college material. If she’d just listened to us, Lori could be starring in a new Hallmark movie called And My Heart Went Zoom and Olivia could be doing whatever it is she did before the scandal hit— taking up oxygen while waiting for yacht season to start. Now they’re all going to have a bummer summer and Lori and Mossimo can’t blame that on coronavirus like the rest of us.
Pic: Boston Federal Court, sketch by Jane Flavell Collins (2019)