Ok, that headline is a bit misleading and I feel bad for it, because sadly Taylor Swift is not coming out full force for Pride by declaring her love for puss (as far as we know she’s still strictly dickly and only dabbles in her love for pussy via her cats Olivia Benson, Meredith Grey and newest addition, kitten Benjamin Button. Yes, I hate myself for knowing the names of Taylor Swift’s cats). So sorry, Taylor and Karlie “shippers.”
But after months of speaking out for gay rights, Taylor is emerging as a full fledged LGBTQIA+ ally by kicking off Pride Month with a “stick it where the sun don’t shine” letter to Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander in support of the Equality Act and a rainbow infused performance at yesterday’s Wango Tango concert. Taylor, you little ROYGBIV baby giraffe.
Fucking Costco. The last time I went there I had three things on my list: razor blades, Sonicare toothbrush heads, and soy milk. And did I walk with any of these items? No! Which is not to say I walked away empty handed, because, who doesn’t need a 7 pound bucket of Nutella and the hottest Costco fashions of the day? Today I’ve discovered why Costco is preventing me from moving my Sasquatch winter legs into the shaved legs of summer. Apparently they are too busy stocking secret extravagant items to worry about re-stocking the peasant’s staples. Costco has just reported a gain in their last sales quarter, largely due to the fact that a customer purchased a $400,000 ring (which may or may not be the $420k ring above) from the store. That’s right, Costco, known mostly as the place to buy bulk toilet paper, also carries jewels worth nearly half a million dollars.
Miranda Kerr almost didn’t date her husband, Snapchat founder bazillionaire Evan Spiegel, because after taking one look at him, she thought he looked more like Evan Sméagol with his horrid face. Miranda just admitted that she was temporarily un-blinded by the dollar signs shooting out of her eyes (uh huh) when she first met Evan, and she almost passed him over because she couldn’t get down with his Alligator Man skin. That all changed when Miranda decided to do a 90s movie make-over montage to the tune of “Supermodel” on him with (of course) her own line of KORA Organics skin products (PLUG! PLUG! PLUG).
It is almost the 25th anniversary of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman, and because there is a bit of a cesspool at the bottom end of the human race, there are some desperate people still hoping to cash in on the tragedy. This time the exploitation of the murders of Nicole and Ron comes in the form of O.J. Simpson‘s former manager Norman Pardo, who claims that O.J. and Kris Jenner had a raunchy one night hook-up in a hot tub on a couples vacation. Oh, this is just the intro. There are details, but I advise you to take a deep cleansing breath, jam your finger pads deep into the fur of a sleeping kitten and steel yourself before reading on.
The first night of the Spice Girls (sans Posh) UK reunion tour finally happened last night in Dublin, Ireland, and instead of the sound of a million post-pubescent nostalgia thirsty middle aged fans screaming “Zigzag Ah” along with the band, it was more like the crowd holding up ear trumpets and asking “Zigazig- HUH?” because the sound quality in Croke Park was so terrible, reportedly. Was this a calculated move to mask how awful the vocals
still now sound, or did the sound engineer forget to leave off all the mics except for Sporty Spice Mel C‘s like the old days? Come on, we all know that Sporty’s the only one who can really “sing“.
Seen above pulling the faces most people would pull after finding out they are expecting their fifth baby are actors David Tennant and Georgia Moffett. Prolific actor and sperm donor David announced/sheepishly admitted on The Late Late Show With James Corden that he blew his Scottish bagpipe into his wife and she is pregnant. Again. With their fifth child. Are Whovians as obsessed with their leaders as the Cumberbitches are? My guess is… “maybe“? In any case, Whovians the world over are possibly crying their eyes out today over the news that David has once again cried out “Dr. Who’s your daddy?” and busted a very fertile nut to produce Baby Tennant #5.