As a person who has a reliable internet connection and a Netflix account, I was not aware that America’s Funniest Home Videos was still on the air. And by “on the air”, I mean that in the archaic sense in that it is still being broadcast on network television and if you have a pair of rabbit ears and a boob tube, you can still watch it at 7:00 every Sunday night (weather permitting). If you, like me, thought that YouTube and Twitter had all but made AFV obsolete, welcome back to the real world. Not only is AFV still a going concern, former host Bob Saget will be back on the air in a new, naughty version called Videos After Dark. According to Variety, ABC has just ordered 2 seasons of the “adult-oriented” clip show. And no, this is not RedTube4TV. The clips will be vintage AFV clips that were previously deemed too hot to broadcast!
If the Oscars and the Emmys are your fancy old uncle who drinks expensive scotch and loves British shows on PBS, then the People’s Choice Awards are your aunt who drinks canned Bay Breezes and asks if you wanna get high in her LeBaron. The People’s Choice Awards are for the people, damn it, and they don’t need prestige or class or gowns that requires every inch of your intestines to be crammed into Spanx.
Blake Lively clearly knows this and after going full-fashion at the Golden Globes two weeks ago, she wore one of Britney Spears’ rejects to the People’s Choice Awards. It’s like she couldn’t find her glasses and just assumed the dress code on the PCA invitation said: “Come dressed as a dancer from a Bob Mackie-inspired cruise ship show who is trying to get fired.” She looks like the messiest pledge at a sorority for ravens.
Some people still don’t understand that you don’t have to try so hard at the People’s Choice Awards. Jennifer Lopez, I’m looking at you.
In all seriously, I’m really glad to see that the flower wall from Kim and Kanye’s wedding is still getting work.
I wouldn’t have thought that Garry Marshall and the crew from his latest full-of-stars film Mother’s Day would would have enough time to throw a red carpet premiere. I figured that as soon as he croaked “That’s a wrap!” on Mother’s Day, he’d wrangle everyone back up and start working on Memorial Day or Susan B. Anthony Day or whatever his next sort-of-a-holiday holiday-themed movie is. But I guess you just can’t keep the stars (and the star-adjacent, as you’ll see below) from strutting down a red carpet, because they had one last night in Los Angeles.
As you can see, Jennifer Aniston was there with a smile on her face, despite the fact that she apparently didn’t do enough smiling and waving on her way in and got booed. I was really hoping that some of Justin Theroux’s red carpet antics would have rubbed off Jenny and she’d roll up to the premiere of Mother’s Day in a pair of elastic-waist Mom Jeans™ and an appliqué vest. But she didn’t. Instead she asked her limo driver for his jacket and wore it as a dress. Julia Roberts also walked the red carpet, but sadly she didn’t do it in that busted orange Ana Wintour wig she wore in the movie. Kate Hudson wasn’t there because she was too busy untangling herself from J. J. Watt’s wall of abs. No, she wasn’t there because she had another thing to go to.
Here’s more from the premiere of the movie that will make a million moms wish they could have snuck an extra mimosa for two from brunch into the theatre. Once you’re done slogging through all the nobodies at the beginning, you’ll get to the real stars of the night at the end. I’m of course talking about three-time Garry Marshall movie star Wedil David, all-natural beauty Kara Del Toro, and friend of Real Housewives Taylor Armstrong.
When I heard the news that sexy yogurt hustler John Stamos was trying to bring back Full House, a show that’s been dead for nearly 20 years, I made the exact same face as Kimmy Gibbler above: a combination of shock, disgust, and confusion, with just a hint of “Da fuq??”. But it sounds like Uncle Jesse can stop trying to make it happen, because it’s probably definitely going to happen. Again, Kimmy Gibbler says what we’re all thinking. Kimmy Gibbler is us.
According to TV Guide, Warner Bros. TV has shown serious interest in bringing Full House back. Original producer Bob Boyette (hands up if you just said “Full House is a Miller-Boyette production” in Uncle Joey’s voice) has signed on, and creator Jeff Franklin has already started writing. Candace Cameron Bure, Jodie Sweetin, and Andrea Barber (YAAAASSSSSS!!!) are all on board for the reboot, while Bob Saget and Dave Coulier have agreed to be involved in some capacity (writing, acting, directing, voicing annoying woodchuck puppets).
It sounds like everyone and the attic are ready to come back and take a messy dump all over the Full House legacy, except for you-know-who. Obviously the Too-Good-For-This-Shit Twins, Mary Kate and Ashley, are far too busy being fancy troll pants fashion designers and vanguards of Urban Blair Witch style to grace our televisions with their presence. Well, guess what? We don’t need you either! All John Stamos needs is an eBay account connected to a valid credit card, and he can replace them with two vintage Talking Michelle dolls. Sure, they’re a poor substitute for the real thing, but the real thing would scare the shit out of children. You’re trying to make Full House, not American Horror Story: Full House.
There’s also no word on whether or not they’ll be bringing back such beloved Full House B-characters like Vicky Larson, Nicky and Alex, that hot bitch Kathy Santoni, or that scene-stealing hotter bitch Comet, but chances are pretty good that they won’t have any scheduling conflicts. One thing is for sure: they better not bring back that asshole Yankee Doodle Derek! Ugh, I’m getting ragey just thinking about his smug face and that shit-eating grin!
Rihanna in a suit? Excuse me? I don’t think so. This demure peony blossom is a phoney; the Rihanna I know is a straight-up, loud-and-proud ho and would show up to her appearance on Good Morning America in nothing less (or more) than a denim g-string and sequinned pot-leaf nipple pasties. Or maybe this is RiRi, but the constant dank cloud surrounding her perception and comprehension skills fucked up what she read in her agenda and she interpreted ‘GMA with Bob Saget‘ as ‘Audition for Danny Tanner’s new co-host on Wake Up San Francisco‘. Either way, I know how this story ends (with Kimmy Gibler falling face-first into a pile of Comet’s shit while that sadistic Tanner family laughs).
But to answer your question “For what random reason are these two even in the same room, let alone touching hands?”, Rihanna appeared on Good Morning America today to pimp out and raise money for MAC Viva Glam, and John Stamos, Bob Saget, and Dave Coulieoruslu-too-many-vowels were there to whore out that damn Dannon Oikos Super Bowl ad. That yogurt commercial is the TV equivalent of the Anchorman 2 campaign; it’s everywhere, and then after opening weekend, it will disappear like a fart in the wind. Which is really too bad, because we really don’t get to see enough of the National Treasure that is John Stamos.
Here’s more of RiRi looking all serious business woman-y (we can’t see her phone, but it probably has a countdown timer that says ‘Minutes ’till grindin and smoking’) along with John Stamos and The Yogurt Boys: