Felicity Huffman Is Out On $250,000 Bail, And Lori Loughlin Will Turn Herself In Today (UPDATE)

March 13, 2019 / Posted by:

Previously on Desperate Rich Caucasians: actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin were indicted in the biggest controversy to hit rich folk since Goop’s vaginal eggs were exposed. Operation Varsity Blues (I see there’s a homosexual in the FBI operation-naming department) exposed all the rich people of America who bribed their way into universities… well, the ones who bribe-bribed their way into universities, the ones who “donated” libraries or gyms or high-tech buildings so their under-performing child could attend Yale are still cool. It’s become the celebrity-gossip gift that keeps on giving, as we are now hearing all about the dramatic arrest of Felicity Huffman.

TMZ is saying that while William H. Macy was able to avoid getting indicted along with his wife, he still had to suffer through Felicity getting all the way arrested yesterday morning. Sources are saying that seven FBI agents showed up to Felicity’s Hollywood Hills home to hand hand her arrest warrant and arrest. They showed up, guns drawn, and ordered Felicity to come out of her mansion and surrender herself. TMZ even has an FBI source who told them that guns were drawn “as a precaution”. It is always left to the agents’ “discretion” to draw their gun during an arrest or not. So I guess they thought Lynette Scavo was packing heat.

Felicity, William and their not-smart-enough-for-an-elite-college children were all sleeping at the time. The sources are saying that Felicity knew what was coming and would have “gladly surrendered on her own” but the federales were like: “Nah, we wanna arrest this rich scammer with our guns out.”

Felicity was brought to a federal building where she got processed. She was released on a $250,00 bond–which she was able to pay, unlike some people–and Lori Loughlin’s husband, Mossimo, also got released on bail after getting arrested. TMZ’s sources say that Lori was in Canada shooting something and will turn herself in this morning. UPDATE: Aunty Becky turned herself in and is in custody. She’ll show up in court this afternoon where I’m sure she’ll borrow Uncle Jesse’s catchphrase when she lets out a, “Have mercy,” to the judge.

This is truly a mess and it’s the kind of mess I really love because it’s happening to over-privileged people who made dumb mistakes and because not a single person has been molested. Which, in today’s horrifying news cycle, is a breath of fresh air.

Here’s video of Felicity and Mossimo trying to not be seen by paparazzi:

Pic: Backgrid

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