Category: BREAKING NEWS
Jason Momoa Gets Into The Bathing Debate And Lets Everyone Know That He Showers
Time for another episode of DO! THEY! SHOWERRRRRRRR! Thanks to the attention-seeking antics of Dax Shepard, Kristen Bell, Ashton Kutcher, and Mila Kunis, celebrities have managed to snatch a free fifteen seconds of attention by discussing their bathing habits. Dax had Mila and Ashton on his podcast, Armchair Expert, and they talked about not fully washing themselves or their children every day. Then Kristen and Dax were on The View, and since over-sharing is their brand, they continued the snowball effect by talking about how they wait until their kids smell to bathe them.
Then Jake Gyllenhaal ruined my day by revealing he was Team Stanky Perineum and also took bathing as a light suggestion. Thankfully hotties like Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans made clear they in fact did shower. Add another to Team Bathing Beauties because Jason Momoa has entered the chat. Aquaman himself said that of course he showers–he’s the hero of the water!
The Rock Would Like You To Know That He Isn’t One Of Those Celebrities Who Don’t Shower That Much
I don’t know how in armpit jelly HELL we got here, but here we are again. Actually, I do know how we got here. We owe it all to Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. Here I was thinking that the worst thing they contributed to society was their ear-and-nerves-destroying Cheetos commercial, but no! Mila and Ashton got the stank ball rolling by admitting that they don’t really lather up their bodies regularly and instead give themselves a whore bath. Then we heard from other celebrities who said that they don’t shower that much either. But Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has popped up to say that the answer to the question, “Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?”, isn’t, “Yup, smells like aged crotch cheese and hot onions.” Because The Rock says he bathes daily. In fact, he bathes three times a day. Yup, these celebrities either shower too little or too much. Can they do anything right?!
Bella Hadid Went Instagram Official With Her New Boyfriend Marc Kalman
Bella Hadid is in love and she’s making it Instagram official with a kissy kissy pic that’s blurrier than a Zapruder film. The alleged new boyfriend is art director Marc Kalman, whom Bella was papped lunching with last month in New York City. She captioned her new couple photo, “Time of my life. Healthy, Working, and Loved.” Then she added a red heart emoji, a fire emoji, and a rose emoji. Oh WOW. They must be really serious!
Rihanna And A$AP Rocky Spread Their Love In NYC (And Nearly Got Denied By A Bar Bouncer Who Didn’t Recognize Them)
Last night Rihanna and her official boyfriend A$AP Rocky went out on a special date night in New York City. The plan was to hit up Barcade, which is, wait for it, a bar with arcade games. Honestly? Sounds like the type of place I’d go to, which means it’s not even close to cool enough for Riri and A$AP. Nevertheless, the couple graced Barcade with their presence and were immediately swarmed by paps and fans. But rather than roll out the red carpet for their distinguished guests, Barcade security had the audacity to stop their hot celebrity asses from entering! Apparently, the bouncer didn’t recognize either A$AP or Rihanna (hmmm, a Blast from the Past situation or 20-year coma?) and told them he needed to see their IDs. Hey, Rihanna should be flattered. 33 and still getting IDed? There’s her next Fenty Beauty ad.
Jennifer Aniston Update: She’s In A Peaceful Place!
Excuse me, she’s in a really peaceful place. Where is this really peaceful place that Jennifer Aniston is currently chilling out in, you may ask? I would assume the coordinates of said place would be: latitude 22.890533, longitude -109.916740, aka the GPS location of Cabo San Lucas. Despite the swimsuit, this isn’t an episode of Where in Mexico is Jennifer Aniston? (although she does look as good in red as Carmen Sandiego). Jennifer Aniston is talking metaphorically. As in, tabloids can officially stop printing headlines about sad, lonely, heartbroken, waiting-by-the-phone-for-Brad, pillow-covered-in-tears Jen, because she’s very content in her life at the moment.
Bennifer 1.0, WHO?! Angelina Jolie Visited Ex-Husband Jonny Lee Miller’s Apartment With A Bottle Of Wine
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck fully brought on the return of the early-aughts by getting back together And well, you can now replace your Von Dutch trucker hat and bedazzled Sidekick with a black velvet choker from Charlotte Ruse and a rainbow Motorola StarTAC, because the 90s are now fully back since Angelina Jolie and her first ex-husband Jonny Lee Miller “reunited” on Friday night. Now, who will be the 80s couple to get back together? Your move, Cher and Tom Cruise! And yes, I just dodged a lightning bolt from God for wishing that tiny jolt of major crazy upon Cher again.