Honestly, the only good things about Tuesdays are: 1. They aren’t Mondays. And 2. TACOS! You know who else thinks tacos are amazing? None other than headband hairline-hiding NBA GOAT LeBron James. The NBA season is starting next month, and Bron Bron must be at home bored out of his mind. Because he wants to take the term “Taco Tuesday” and trademark it.
Hollywood must have seen the dump truck full of money Michael Myers made last weekend and thought, “Okay Jason Voorhees, you’re up next – grab your machete and get thee to a spooky summer camp.” Because Friday the 13th is the latest slasher film franchise to get rebooted. And one of the people making it happen is three-time NBA champion LeBron James. Ch-ch-ch what-what-what? Okay sure.
LeBron James is trying to be the coolest dad in the NBA. Of course it’s not that hard when you’re the best basketball player in the world (apparently, like, I have no idea, I don’t watch basketball) and when you were just signed to the fattest contract to ever line your bank accounts. And also he’s a great person, with that school for underprivileged and everything. But LeBron shows us that he truly know what these kids really want: Booze.
If you live near Da Real Lambo, then that click-click-click you hear is him typing an addition of a chapter to his tell-all titled: “Going to LA to be closer to his side-piece Beyoncé’s second home???” But if you live anywhere near LeBron James, then I’m sure all you can hear is joyful screaming. It was announced last night that LeBron James is leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Los Angeles Lakers in exchange for $153.3 million.
A plague of bees is coming, and they may be coming for LeBron James. There’s a man threatening to expose Lebron and Beyoncé as secret lovers. LeBron seems to stay relatively drama free off the court. Well, maybe relatively isn’t the right word to use. His closest relative, mom Gloria James, brings the drama like Steph Curry brings the dribbles? You guys know I’m sports deficient. There was a whole ass parade here in my hometown for The Warriors and I only knew because NPR told me that’s why traffic was jacked up.
LeBron James must have a crap ton of basketball money burning a hole in his shorts (if you’ve ever wondered why the NBA switched out the tiny coochie cutters for the roomier mesh, now you know). One place he’s decided to stash some cash is in his production company SpringHill Entertainment which The Hollywood Reporter says is producing a remake of the 1990 classic House Party. To answer your first question; no word as to whether LeBron will be dusting off Kid N’ Play for this project. To answer your second question; nobody knows why.