This Year’s Oscars Will Be Totally In Person And Zooming In Is Not Allowed

March 19, 2021 / Posted by:

Like a music producer hosting his birthday at a nightclub, the Oscars want the nominees to show up in person. Back in December, the Oscars announced that the ceremony would be in-person despite coronavirus still being a thing. Other recent award shows have mixed in-person with nominees appearing via video call, but not the Oscars! Producers have made it clear that at the event there will be no Zoom options and they better not catch your ass wearing sweats or jeans! We are getting back! To! Opulence! Time to give the peasants something to aspire to again!

The 2021 Oscar nominations were announced earlier this week and the show will happen on April 25. Variety says the nominees received a letter from producers regarding what will and will not be acceptable for the event. The “intimate, in-person event” will take place at Union Station in Los Angeles, and other bits will occur live from the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood. And you better be there physically because there are no other options:

In a letter to this year’s Oscar nominees, the show’s producers, Emmy nominee Jesse Collins (Zoboomafoo), Oscar nominee Stacey Sher (Django Unchained and Erin Brockovich) and Oscar winner Steven Soderbergh (best director for 2000’s Traffic) announced there will be no Zoom option for the artists that choose not to attend, either because of “scheduling or continued uneasiness about traveling.”

The three wrote in the letter:

“We are going to great lengths to provide a safe and enjoyable evening for all of you in person, as well as for all the millions of film fans around the world, and we feel the virtual thing will diminish those efforts.”

“The virtual thing.” LOL, those snobs! And if you think you’re gonna stand up there and give some long-winded speech, think again, trick.

The trio also gave notes regarding keeping speeches short, so the show doesn’t run “too long” and encouraged the eventual winners to “read the room” and “tell a story.”

Coronavirus safety protocols will include “specifically designed testing cadences” ensuring up-to-the-minute results. This means there will be an on-site COVID-19 safety team with PCR testing capabilities. And also Tom Cruise standing in the corner with a whistle waiting to tear into any of the A-listers who get too close to Meryl Streep. JK, but honestly that would work.

Nominees are also being asked to do interviews ahead of the show, but no details were given about who would be doing the interviews or how it would work into the show.

As for the dress code, they want it to be “a fusion of inspirational and aspirational, which in actual words means “formal is cool if you want to go there, but casual is really not.” You heard them, casual is “really not” acceptable! I guess those snobby snobs saw Jodie Foster and her wife in matching PJs at the Golden Globes and they said to themselves: “Not on my watch!”


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