When Ina Garten isn’t fielding steamy texts from her husband Jeffrey Garten, she’s Cooking For Jeffrey. Ina loves to host dinner parties for negligible-to-most reasons to celebrate–like the 37th anniversary of the time she and Jeffrey got caught over-the-pants rubbing at the drive-in. But even though Ina is an old pro in the kitchen, she couldn’t give a definitive answer when someone pondered the usefulness of bay leaves in any recipe that calls for them.
Despite Chef Pii, the mastermind of Pink Sauce, not knowing what the acronym “FDA” stands for or what they do, the agency’s plate has been full of disgusting TikTok food lately–including her questionable condiment that probably wasn’t safe for consumption before its recent journey to legitimacy. Like Whac-A-Mole, when one stupid food viral trend dissipates another arrives, and this time the Food & Drug Administration has had to step in to warn against the cooking and eating of chicken breasts marinated in NyQuil. The recipe’s called “Sleepy Chicken” or “NyQuil Chicken,” and while it’s definitely been cooked by someone on TikTok to get a reaction, it’s unclear if anyone has been dumb enough to actually eat it to sleep, perchance to robotrip.
Tired of your regular rocky road? Do the triple tastes of Neapolitan no longer excite you? If the cause of your ennui is limited to ice cream flavors, then Oscar Mayer may have the remedy: the Cold Dog. Yes, all the flavor of a barbeque-grilled hot dog in one creamy stick. And they say American food is disgusting!
This summer’s hottest risky food item was Pink Sauce, a–wait for it– sauce that’s pink made viral on TikTok by mastermind, Chef Pii (legal name: Veronica Shaw). However, in Pink Sauce’s short stint in the limelight, Chef Pii has had to deal with a few hiccups, like people complaining about her shipping the dairy-containing, shelf-unstable sauce to them in the summer heat and it obviously showed up an exploded, hot rancid mess. Then, the pesky FDA poked their nose into her venture (despite her not knowing who they were or what they do) to stop this mess since Pink Sauce wasn’t FDA approved. All seemed lost for everyone who wanted record themselves biting into chicken smothered in a milky pink sauce to post on the internet for virtual validation, as Chef had to hang up her sauce production for a beat. But lucky for Chef Pii, Dave’s Gourmet, the company behind the popular torture condiment, Dave’s Insanity Sauce, is taking her Pink Sauce under their (hot buffalo) wing to help her mass produce it.
Each year, the food industry tries us basic bitches with some off-the-wall foods in stereotypically autumn flavors to get the people talking, and it usually works. Last year, Bud Light rolled out their Fall Flannel Hard Seltzer flavors, which all sounded like what it would taste like when your bad cousin huffed a can of bathroom Glade while you were visiting your grandparents’ house. But Brach’s really has their ear to the ground and has mastered the art of making an already gross thing grosser in flavors that no one asked for and in seasonal colors. They’re already known for their traditional candy corn which is most closely associated with Halloween time and my trash can, but that wasn’t enough–they wanted to cover the entire fall season–so for a few years now they’ve also been manufacturing their Turkey Dinner Candy Corn. I guess Brach’s felt that they were really missing an opportunity to cash in on the summer/early fall flavor market, so they’ve just dropped their newest monstrosity: Tailgate Candy Corn. Surprisingly, the tailgate flavors they came up with aren’t Natty Ice Burp, Chips & Warm Salsa, Cigar Smoke, and Hangover. Instead, they landed on: Fruit Punch, Vanilla Ice Cream, Popcorn, Hamburger–and the clear winner of the “NOPE” award–Hot Dog. Which, if you hate yourself, would go perfectly with a warm hot dog water seltzer.
Chef.Pii’s Pink Sauce has been making the viral rounds for the past couple of weeks after she made several TikToks squirting it all over lots of already perfectly good foods, and it’s also probably been making the bacterial rounds since people say that the $20 a bottle “unknown flavored” sauce is arriving to them rancid after being shipped unrefrigerated in this damn summer heat. She’s also been receiving backlash since the ingredient and nutrition labels are pretty much straight fiction. Unsurprisingly, the woman behind the sauce recently went live on TikTok and showed how clueless she really is about food production and safety when she made it clear that she doesn’t know what “FDA” stands for, what its purpose is, or why her spoiling sauce needs to be approved by them.