Category: Pimp Mama Kris

Forbes Says Kylie Jenner Could Potentially Be The Youngest Self-Made Billionaire

July 11, 2018 / Posted by:

Whatever picture was hanging on the largest wall in Kris Jenner’s momager office (possibly a blown-up still from Kim’s porno) has surely been taken down today and replaced with a giant, framed picture of her youngest and most lucrative money maker on the cover of this month’s issue of Forbes. Last year it was reported that Kylie Jenner’s makeup company made $420 million in 18 months of retail sales. A year later, and Kylie Cosmetics has more than doubled their sales at $900 million. According to Forbes, 20-year-old Kylie is on her way to becoming the youngest self-made billionaire.

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Kris Jenner Will Sue You Even If You’re Broke

May 16, 2018 / Posted by:

Pimp Mama Kris finds a way to monetize everything, even her search for a new assistant. She’s doing press for her partnership with Bumble Bizz, which is a “networking” offshoot of the dating app, but I just think it’s another way to find someone to bone.

Kris talked to HuffPo about finding a new minion, and somehow in the puff piece about that, we found out something we already knew: Satan’s proudest creation isn’t afraid to drag your broke soul to court if you do something she doesn’t like.  Continue reading

Kathy Griffin Isn’t Waiting Around For Anderson Cooper To Make Amends

May 2, 2018 / Posted by:

The source of many a nervous twitch in the Trump White House, Kathy Griffin, is – much to the chagrin of the red states – back in the U.S. with a new comedy tour even after she shocked everyone by holding up a decapitated fake Trump head. While she already spooked what members of the Trump administration bothered to show up to this weekend’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, she managed to pop by daytime TV and tell Wendy Williams that she doesn’t think she’ll ever make amends with former BFF Anderson Cooper. Continue reading

Colton Haynes And Jeff Leatham Got Married By Pimp Mama Kris

October 28, 2017 / Posted by:

When 29-year-old Colton Haynes got engaged to his 46-year-old flower daddy Jeff Leatham (he’s a floral designer), it was a big, gay extravaganza complete with fireworks, drama and an appearance by Cher. So when I heard they were getting married this weekend, I prepared to explode into a tornado of glitter from the glorious gayness of their wedding. I expected to see Barbra Streisand softly yodel out Evergreen while officiating their ceremony from a giant crystal swan covered with rhinestone-encrusted white orchids imported from Thailand. But I guess all their money was spent on the engagement ceremony, because they had to settle for Pimp Mama Kris as their officiant.

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Yet Another Kardashian Baby Is Headed Our Way

September 26, 2017 / Posted by:

Just one more Kartrashian pregnancy and we’ve got ourselves The Four Horsemen….Unless one of them is pregnant with twins. SANTO DIOS!

The toilet that Ian Somerhalder flushed Nikki Reed’s birth control pills down must’ve been nowhere near Calabasas. Because there’s something in the water in fame whore ground zero and it’s not birth control pills. (It’s the fertile seed of Satan that Pimp Mama Kris puts into the water bottles of every one of her koven members.) UsWeekly, People and TMZ all say that yet another junior koven member is growing inside the body of another Kartrashian and this time it’s Khlozilla. The wombs belonging to Kendull Jenner and The Slow One must be feeling a lot of pressure from PMK, because all they need to do is get a fetus in them, and then all of her girls will be pregnant, and then she’ll be able to take over the world with her army. Blehehehehehe!

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Kendall And Kylie Jenner Pissed Off Voletta Wallace, Sharon Osbourne And The Doors 

June 29, 2017 / Posted by:

If Pimp Mama Kris strikes sex tape golden showers again, this won’t be the first time I write “Kendall,” “Kylie” and “Piss” in a headline.

Whoever is in charge of the clothing crap that Kendall and Kylie Jenner push on their website thought it would be a really good idea to peddle t-shirts with their faces and initials on top of pictures of music icons without getting permission. There’s at least 200 members in PMK’s koven and so you’d think she’d make one of them take a crash course in the law so that dumb shit like this doesn’t happen. PMK should send Sushi Kardashian West to a law class. Sushi seems the smartest of that bunch.

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