I’m in Ptown this weekend (Yes, I know it’s still working hours. Shhhh.), and I immediately knew a half hour ago when Ariana Grande released the full “thank u, next” video because the entire street was filled with squealing as though Boston had just won the Super Series or whatever it’s called. And that was just from me. After what seems like weeks of posting cosplay from every RomCom made in the early-2000s, the video about being oh-so-grateful for exes has dropped, so it’s only natural Kris Jenner made the cut for the Mean Girls arc and not Lindsay Lohan.
Whatever picture was hanging on the largest wall in Kris Jenner’s momager office (possibly a blown-up still from Kim’s porno) has surely been taken down today and replaced with a giant, framed picture of her youngest and most lucrative money maker on the cover of this month’s issue of Forbes. Last year it was reported that Kylie Jenner’s makeup company made $420 million in 18 months of retail sales. A year later, and Kylie Cosmetics has more than doubled their sales at $900 million. According to Forbes, 20-year-old Kylie is on her way to becoming the youngest self-made billionaire.
Pimp Mama Kris finds a way to monetize everything, even her search for a new assistant. She’s doing press for her partnership with Bumble Bizz, which is a “networking” offshoot of the dating app, but I just think it’s another way to find someone to bone.
Kris talked to HuffPo about finding a new minion, and somehow in the puff piece about that, we found out something we already knew: Satan’s proudest creation isn’t afraid to drag your broke soul to court if you do something she doesn’t like. Continue reading
The source of many a nervous twitch in the Trump White House, Kathy Griffin, is – much to the chagrin of the red states – back in the U.S. with a new comedy tour even after she shocked everyone by holding up a decapitated fake Trump head. While she already spooked what members of the Trump administration bothered to show up to this weekend’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner, she managed to pop by daytime TV and tell Wendy Williams that she doesn’t think she’ll ever make amends with former BFF Anderson Cooper. Continue reading
When 29-year-old Colton Haynes got engaged to his 46-year-old flower daddy Jeff Leatham (he’s a floral designer), it was a big, gay extravaganza complete with fireworks, drama and an appearance by Cher. So when I heard they were getting married this weekend, I prepared to explode into a tornado of glitter from the glorious gayness of their wedding. I expected to see Barbra Streisand softly yodel out Evergreen while officiating their ceremony from a giant crystal swan covered with rhinestone-encrusted white orchids imported from Thailand. But I guess all their money was spent on the engagement ceremony, because they had to settle for Pimp Mama Kris as their officiant.
Just one more Kartrashian pregnancy and we’ve got ourselves The Four Horsemen….Unless one of them is pregnant with twins. SANTO DIOS!
The toilet that Ian Somerhalder flushed Nikki Reed’s birth control pills down must’ve been nowhere near Calabasas. Because there’s something in the water in fame whore ground zero and it’s not birth control pills. (It’s the fertile seed of Satan that Pimp Mama Kris puts into the water bottles of every one of her koven members.) UsWeekly, People and TMZ all say that yet another junior koven member is growing inside the body of another Kartrashian and this time it’s Khlozilla. The wombs belonging to Kendull Jenner and The Slow One must be feeling a lot of pressure from PMK, because all they need to do is get a fetus in them, and then all of her girls will be pregnant, and then she’ll be able to take over the world with her army. Blehehehehehe!