Candace Cameron Bure did a whoopsies and offended her target audience (Christian moms) with a photo of her husband, 46-year-old former hockey player Val Bure, squeezing her right titty. I know, it’s a shocking move on Val’s part, because the left boob is usually bigger, better, rounder, stronger. Cameron initially posted the pic to her Instagram Story with the caption “classic Val *He approved this post”, before deleting it due to the backlash.
According to 44-year-old Candace’s enraged fans, a conservative woman of Jesus/mom of three shouldn’t be posting such vile imagery. What’s next, a nude video of her doing the WAP dance?! Candace was close to issuing an apology, but she prayed on that shit and changed her mind.
It would appear that Jake Paul’s recent home raid situation might have just gotten upgraded from a “Yikes” to a full-blown “Not dope” (just trying to use slang that his 10-year-old fans would understand). Two days ago, the real-life Idiocracy character found his Calabasas home filled with dozens of federal agents, who had obtained a search warrant on his house.
At the time, the reason for why they were there was a bit of a mystery. Some thought it might have something to do with Jake’s recent conversion to The Church of LMFAO, which holds high the belief that you never stop party rocking, not even in the middle of a global pandemic. Others suspected it had something to do with illegal firearms, as many agents were seen confiscating guns from the property. TMZ believes it has everything to do with Jake’s alleged participation in the looting of an Arizona mall during Black Lives Matters protests.
UPDATE: TMZ says that the raid has to do with Jake Paul getting arrested at the Scottsdale Mall in May during a protest for George Floyd. Jake was accused of using the protest to loot the mall but he denied it.
Jake Paul seems to be in a wee bit more trouble than he usually is. If there’s one thing rich nosy neighbors hate more than unruly house parties in the middle of a global pandemic, it’s a caravan of armored trucks with dozens of police and FBI agents in paramilitary uniform armed to the teeth rolling in on a Wednesday morning setting off everybody’s car alarm. According to ABC7, federal agents raided Jake’s house in Calabasas this morning and found “multiple firearms scattered across the property, including a long gun propped up against a hot tub in the backyard” which were all seized. If you had asked me yesterday which infamous Calabasas home would be the subject of a sealed federal search warrant, well let’s just say, it wouldn’t be this one. Although it would be a close second guess.
No one knows where wannabe Russian oligarch/Zen master Steven Seagal went after dramatically walking out on that BCC Newsnight interview a couple of years ago after he was asked about multiple allegations of sexual assault, including a rape accusation from 1993 that was recently dismissed due to the statute of limitations. He just yanked out his earpiece and left in a huff. He might have gone to go pick up a shipment of knock-off Sharpies, called Slarpies, that he uses to draw on his hair. I bet brand-name Sharpies are expensive in Russia, where he now lives. He’s got to pinch those pennies where he can because, according to The Washington Post, the Securities and Exchange Commission just hit him with an invoice for $300,000 “to settle charges that he failed to disclose he was being paid to promote a cryptocurrency investment.” And no, they do not accept payment in Bitcoin. You would think a martial arts master of Steven’s caliber would know how to block this move. Maybe he’s not all that good at it evasive maneuvers after all.
And to think, not too long ago Michael Avenatti thought he might fuck around and run for President in 2020. Oh how times have changed. According to CNBC, Michael has just been found guilty on three charges “related to his efforts to extort up to $25 million from athletic apparel giant Nike.” Not that long ago I was comparing Michael to Icarus flying too close to the sun so he could punch it in the face. I guess it’s only fitting that he was ultimately done in by another winged Greek God. Strangled by a Hermes scarf. Such a shame.
I don’t know if Justin Timberlake is the type of person to make New Year’s resolutions. But if he is, then there’s only one resolution he should have made for 2020, and that’s to be the type of husband who doesn’t get caught holding hands with women who aren’t his wife. Or maybe he promised not to drink so much that he forgets whose hand he’s holding. The bad news for Justin is that no matter what he has said he was or wasn’t going to do this year, it allegedly hasn’t been enough to placate his wife Jessica Biel.