Elvis left the building for the last time way back in 1977 but nobody knew where he went until three years ago when he heard Baz Lurhman was making a biopic about him and crawled up Austin Butler’s ass for one last chance at fame and fortune. And as we heard in Austin’s Golden Globes acceptance speech for Elvis, he’s still posted up in there, pulling Austin’s levers like Ratatouille but from the inside. And I get it. I really do. In the afterlife, once you’ve found a warm, comfy celebrity ass to haunt, why would you waste your good spectral energy floating around drive-by-night Las Vegas wedding chapels waiting for Jennifer Lopez to roll through with one of her exes? It’s simply nonsustainable for a ghost as famous, and let’s be real, as vain, as Elvis. And according to Austin’s voice coach, Elvis may never leave.
As if we haven’t suffered enough, Jared Leto, the man who puts the suffer and twat in insufferable twat, is going to be tormenting our eyes and ears by completing his transformation into Karl Lagerfeld right before our very eyes. Deadline reports that Jared is producing, and will of course star in, a biopic about Jameela Jamil’s least favorite dead fashion icon (to date.) This is obviously the role of a lifetime for Jared as it has everything he likes in a character — European accent of indeterminate origin, a live prop, clown suits, a fun wig, contempt for women and flat, dead eyes concealed behind silly novelty sunglasses! It’s perfect really. I just hope too many innocent pussies aren’t rubbed raw from Jared’s “immersive” stroking methods. PETA needs to stay on his ass for the duration.
An Australian Actress Who Had Been Reported Missing Was Actually In Jail After Being Busted For Public Intoxication And Resisting Arrest
Most of us have had a night out where we’ve gotten more turned up than we’d have liked (and may even have been asked to leave), but it takes a special kind of messiness to get so turnt that your family thinks you’ve gone missing. E! News reported that Laura McCulloch, an Australian native living in LA to pursue her acting career, hadn’t contacted her family since August 12. After a search party formed, she turned up–in jail–after a night of obnoxious debauchery.
Stranger Things is back (and over already if you binged the new season) and with it comes news about America’s favorite sexy dad man, David Harbour. Yeah, it’s been a little while since the series last aired, so we haven’t heard much from David since his stunt Las Vegas wedding to Lily Allen in 2020. David is here to remind us that he’s not just kicking back on the couch eating bonbons like a regular married man, he’s a hardworking actor! But not a method actor. That stuff’s for try-hards like Jared Leto!
No disrespect to Jon Lovitz’s Master Thespian character from SNL – I know he takes his craft very seriously. But can he say that he was so committed to a role that he learned how to literately fix a refrigerator for a role? I think not. Only the deeply-committed capital-A actor Jeremy Strong would go to such lengths. And he did, according to Jeremy’s co-star and cheerleader Anne Hathaway, who recently revealed that he went all the way to prepare for a role as a plumber from Queens in the film Armageddon Time.
Serious method ACTOR Jeremy Strong has emulated and idolized Daniel Day-Lewis ever since he was a teenager and had a poster of him in My Left Foot on his bedroom wall. And whereas DDL won an Oscar for his performance in that film, it’s unlikely he can brag about being to, to this day, masturbate without using his hands. But I bet Jeremy can, given the seriousness with which he takes his craft! And based on the comments from some of his Succession castmates that accompany a new profile of him in The New Yorker, he’s really fucking annoying with that shit. Like DDL, who Jeremy went on to work for as an assistant, is probably so embarrassed for him right now he’s asking his agent to get him a role as a blind hermit or something so he can pretend not to see him next time they run into each other.