Before I went to bed last night, I read the headline that Zooey Deschanel has gotten with Jonathan Scott. And since I only know Jonathan Scott by his official legal name of Property Brother #1 (or is he Property Brother #2?), it took me a quick second to realize who he is. But when I did, I sniffed my glass of wine to see if my dog drugged me with some kind of fucked-up mind-bending substance that was causing me to hallucinate weird things like Quirky’s favorite ambassador getting with a Property Brother. It’s real, though, and Zooey and Jonathan brought on a thousand question marks when they hit the stroll together.
Remember how we told you about the slice made entirely of pizza crusts being sold at an Italian restaurant in New Jersey? Well, here’s a pizza with everything in the middle cut out leaving exclusively the fully-intact outer crust. That’s the pizza choice of Jadakiss.
Belle Delphine, the “Gamer Girl” who was selling her own bath water to
freaks with too much money “Gamer Boys” on the Internet, is now the topic of even more discussion. While the rumor about her bath water giving 50 people herpes turned out to be a huge lie, there’s now another rumor that the water itself is the scam. GASP! Fake bath water?! Who–and I cannot stress this enough–WHO could have seen this coming? Truly only a psychic. Or maybe a “micro-biologist” because that’s who’s claiming the water is fake.
So, there’s a lot going on here. I’d previously read about this story of an Instagrammer selling her bath water (listen: who hasn’t?) to “thirsty gamer boys” but did you know there was a herpes rumor twist? Of course there is.
Belle Delphine, who has 4 million followers on Instagram and 400,000 subscribers on YouTube, sold her bath water to people through her website and people bought it (why did I go to university?). Afterwards, a rumor began about people who had allegedly contracted herpes because of the bath water purchased. Well don’t worry, it was just a rumor! So you can feel free to drink up all the dirty bath water purchased over the internet that you want!
Okay, that headline isn’t totally true. You probably felt like you got stabbed a dozen times with a hedgehog spike dipped in LSD while watching that CGI-ridden puddle of blue fuckery that was the Sonic The Hedgehog trailer. (That trailer has already taken friendships because I broke up with a friend who said that he’d totally fuck CGI Sonic. And no, that “friend” wasn’t one of the voices in my head. I think). But Pete Doherty says he got stabbed by an actual hedgehog.
The entire production team at Empire needs to drop whatever they’re doing and start filming every piece of this Jussie Smollett situation, because it’s more riveting, ESCANDALOSO, dramatic, and has more plot twists than any of their story arcs combined. Jussie was charged with several felonies for allegedly staging a hate crime in Chicago (with help from the Nigerian Right Said Fred), and those charges got him scrubbed from the rest of the season of Empire. I’m sure that Jussie was working on Empire: The Musical, which he was going to put on for the prison musical, but he can stop doing that for now, because all 16 charges against him have been dropped and his record has been wiped clean. Every prisoner who was making a Cookie wig out of shredded bed sheets and commissary-bought markers to audition for Jussie’s prison musical is going to be so disappointed.