If you’ve been waiting for a romantic comedy between two lovers who could pass for father and daughter, you’re in luck! Because such a comedy is coming down the pipeline very soon titled That’s Amore! and it stars discarded diva Katherine Heigl and Scientology’s permanent prisoner John Travolta. Now, you may be thinking immediately, “Yeah, it’s a no from me, dawg,” but keep those negative thoughts to yourself. That is, until AFTER you hear about the premise for this horribly misguided attempt to make us remember John as an actor and re-love Katherine once again (but did we ever really love her?)
Mike Rinder’s New Book Gets Into How Scientology Dealt With The John Travolta Gay Rumors, Tried To Woo David Beckham, And Alienated Tom Cruise From Nicole Kidman
Mike Rinder, former high-level Scientologist and co-host of the A&E docuseries, Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, has a new book. It’s called A Billion Years: My Escape From a Life in the Highest Ranks of Scientology, and it promises to that expose “the dark, dystopian truth about Scientology.” Fun! The book just came out, so there are a bunch of headlines making the rounds today.
For example, those John Travolta gay rumors. 67-year-old Mike claims that, back in the day, he was chatting to John in a hotel suite when a male masseur walked in the room and kissed John on the mouth. Whoops! Then there’s the failed wooing of David and Victoria Beckham. Apparently, Tom Cruise wanted David to be in Scientology so bad that he built a soccer field. But it didn’t work. Whomp, whomp! Finally, there’s the Nicole Kidman stuff. Mike claims that David Miscavige felt Tom was pulling away from the cult while filming Eyes Wide Shut with Nicole in London, so he sent one of his cronies to “audit” Tom. The audit drew Tom back into Scientology and created a distance between him and his wife. Obviously, Scientology denies all of Mike’s allegations. They tell Page Six that he’s an “inveterate liar.” Google says “inveterate” means: “chronic, deep-seated.” So that’s two words Scientology has taught me: “inveterate” and “glib.” Continue reading
Amy Schumer Made Fun Of Leonardo DiCaprio, Regina Hall Looked For A Man, And All Three Hosts Chanted “Gay! Gay! Gay!” At Last Night’s Oscars
As expected, the Oscars had three hosts last night: Amy Schumer, Regina Hall, and Wanda Sykes. And they joked that the Academy hired three women because it’s cheaper than hiring one man. But after that, they all went in different directions. Wanda Sykes did Wanda Sykes, Regina Hall turned the Oscars into a dating show (while possibly catching a sexual harassment charge), and Amy Schumer decided to become the Ricky Gervais of the Oscars by mildly roasting tricks.
Actually, to correctly quote Us Weekly’s cover story, notable Scientologists like Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and Kirstie Alley are allegedly TRAPPED FOR LIFE!!!!! But, of course, they’re not being held hostage since we’re talking about the rich and famous-ish Scientologists – standard Scientology rules don’t apply. According to a source, they’re not exactly free either. Apparently Scientology is a lot like The Eagles’ Hotel California; you can check-in, but you can never leave.
The dazzling disco ball that is John Travolta’s chrome dome came out to play last night at the 2020 Premio Lo Nuestro, Univision’s awards celebrating Latin music. Why was John there? No one knows. Maybe host Pitbull’s bald head sent out the cue ball signal which, prior to John euthanizing his beloved pet possum, was only ever answered by Vin Diesel repeatedly showing up outside his bedroom holding a warm 6-pack of Corona and blasting Hey Ma from The Fate of The Furious soundtrack on a boombox.
It is with a heavy heart that I inform you of the news that after nearly a year with us, John Travolta’s bald head has unfortunately been covered up with a lace front.