Bono Jokes That Amy Schumer Is The Key To Destroying ISIS

April 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Bono testified in the Senate on Capitol Hill on Tuesday (and yes, I’ll pause as your mind barfs up ten question marks over that) about the new no-tax-on-sunglasses bill he’s trying to push through. No, he didn’t talk about that, but I’m surprised he didn’t bring that up. Bono was there as the co-founder of the anti-poverty ONE campaign to ask for more aid to the Middle East, because he believes that less poverty will lead to less terrorism. Bono also mouth burped up one of his suggestions to erasing terrorism from the planet. Bono believes we should fight ISIS with the funnies and suggested that we send in a troupe of comedy warriors.

My thoughts about that are best expressed by the brown-haired Ricky Schroder whose awkward forced laugh made him look like Kermit with the farts:


Here’s the video of Bono’s suggestion:

And if you don’t want to watch that video, here’s the words that came out of Bono’s mouth:

“It’s like you speak violence, you speak their language. But you laugh at them when they are goose-stepping down the street and it takes away their power. So I’m suggesting that the Senate sends in Amy Schumer and Chris Rock and Sacha Baron Cohen. Thank you.”

Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work. Neither does Amy Schumer, it seems. But you know what may work? Apple should try to find a way to forcibly put an entire U2 album on every iPhone, iPad, computer and laptop belonging to a member of ISIS. They’ll spend every minute of their day trying to delete that shit from their iTunes and they won’t have time for terrorism.

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