Bono Jokes That Amy Schumer Is The Key To Destroying ISIS

Bono testified in the Senate on Capitol Hill on Tuesday (and yes, I’ll pause as your mind barfs up ten question marks over that) about the new no-tax-on-sunglasses bill he’s trying to push through. No, he didn’t talk about that, but I’m surprised he didn’t bring that up. Bono was there as the co-founder of the anti-poverty ONE campaign to ask for more aid to the Middle East, because he believes that less poverty will lead to less terrorism. Bono also mouth burped up one of his suggestions to erasing terrorism from the planet. Bono believes we should fight ISIS with the funnies and suggested that we send in a troupe of comedy warriors.

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CNN Mistook A Sex Toy Flag For An ISIS Flag

“I seem to be the only person who has spotted this, and nobody seems to be raising any questions or pointing it out,” she said.

Yesterday, CNN correspondent Lucy Pawle dialed up anchor Suzanne Malveaux to report that she had seen an ISIS flag being displayed in the middle of London’s Gay Pride parade. You know us gays. Butt sex = a gateway drug for terrorism.

It wasn’t an ISIS flag. It was a flag satirizing ISIS using depictions of buttplugs and dildos. Basically someone was flying a flag that is similar to the one that flutters over Michael K’s street corner. She seriously thought that there was a gay ISIS faction? Girl, they drop us off of buildings. I’m guessing they wouldn’t have gotten an Evite to march between Dykes on Bikes and the human ponies from the fetish club.

To her credit, she did finally note that Arabic isn’t written using fuck toys. I’ll cut her an inch of slack because the flag looks identical to an ISIS flag. I’ll also shake my head sadly for her because this gal doesn’t recognize a dildo. Lucy, none of your friends have ever invited you to one of those parties where you get drunk and sample vibrators instead of scented candles? Get new friends, bitch.

Watch the video of CNN mistakenly reporting that ISIS had infiltrated the gay community (my eyes just rolled out of my head, fell to the floor, and my teacup poodle is now chasing them) below.