Category: Richer Than Blue Ivy Carter

Rihanna Made Her Debut On The Sunday Times Rich List

May 14, 2020 / Posted by:

The Sunday Times Rich List. A thing I just heard of today. Apparently it’s like the Forbes List, but British. Yay. Ranking ridiculously rich people. Woohoo. There’s a bunch of different categories, so even more multi-millionaires can feel special. These lists include the richest people in Film & Television, Husbands and Wives, Sports Stars, Aristocrats, and more.

Rihanna, who’s lived in London for more than a year, decided to grace the Richest Musicians list with her beauty and glamour, debuting at #3. She’s right behind Andrew Lloyd Weber and Paul McCartney, who are tied at #1. Poor ALW. Now he’s got Patti LuPone AND Rihanna on his ass. Continue reading

There’s Finally A “Crazy Rich Asians” Trailer 

April 23, 2018 / Posted by:

Just try to ignore that tragic poster, which looks like a no-budget travel ad done by an intern on MS Paint using the cheapest clip art they could find (see: that random peacock and Liberace’s anal beads aka those rhinestone disco balls).

When I was laid up in my bed with a jacked-up retina for weeks, my ears swallowed up many audio books including the entire Crazy Rich Asians series. I swallowed those books up like they were an 8″ peen, because as someone who thinks Jackie Collins is the greatest thing to happen to words, the Crazy Rich Asians series has everything I want: opulence, intrigue, glamour, bitchery, and a plot easy enough for my simple brain to follow. So I’ve been waiting and waiting for a trailer for the film version, which is Hollywood’s first all-Asian cast movie since The Joy Luck Club. A teaser trailer was released a few days ago, and it got me nervous, thinking that those cheap bitches in Hollywood turned it into On-A-Budget Asians by making it look like a Lifetime movie. But the full trailer is out and it is ˈä-pyə-lənt. Well, most of it is anyway.

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There’s Rich, And Then There’s “Clone Your Dog Twice” Rich 

February 27, 2018 / Posted by:

If you’ve seen Barbra Streisand’s Netflix concert special Barbra: The Music… The Mem’ries… The Magic!, then you saw the completely over-the-top tribute she did to the beloved white-haired hot bitch she’d take several bullets for. No, not James Brolin! Who cares about him. I’m talking about the gorgeous Sammie Streisand! Last year, 14-year-old Sammie Streisand went off to a… I was going to say a better place, but what place is better than Barbra Streisand’s Malibu estate? Some regular people may immortalize the dog they obsess over by getting that pooch’s dead body stuffed so they can keep it at the edge of their bed for eternity. But crazy rich people, like Barbra, take it to the next level by getting their dog cloned.

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Bono Has Made More Money Off Facebook Than He Ever Made From U2

August 31, 2015 / Posted by:

As if you couldn’t have already guessed, Bono – seen above on the fancy-ass boat he uses to get to and from his fancy-ass yacht in St. Tropez – is rich as fuck. Technically, we already knew that, since U2 has been touring forever and tickets to a U2 concerts usually cost $900 and your choice of limb (and limbs go for big money on the black market). But it turns out the money Bono has been making from hollering out “Sunday Bloody Sunday” is peanuts compared to the checks he’s been receiving from Mark Zuckerberg.

According to the Mirror UK (via Page Six), Bono bought a 2.3 percent share in Facebook back in 2009 for almost $76 million. As anyone who has every listened to Suze Orman talk about money knows, money grows. And in the six years since Bono made Facebook his bottom bitch, his $76 million share is now worth $1 billion. That frantic splashing sound you just heard was Lindsay Lohan doing the get money bitch backstroke from her current yacht in St. Tropez to Bono’s.

The Mirror says that Bono now holds the title of Richest Pop Star IN THE WORLD, beating out Paul McCartney, who is worth $818 million, and Madonna, who is worth a pathetic $582 million.

I quit Facebook years ago because I kept getting too many messages from spammers asking if I wanted to make some easy money sitting on my ass. Looks like they were (sort of) right. You can make money from Facebook, and you can do it sitting on your ass. Just ask Bono! Or better yet, just wait for the inevitable round of mass spam emails that start with: “Hi do u like money? <–My name is Bono and I make $66,750 a day off Facebook ask me how NOW!

Pic: Splash

Lil Wayne’s Daughter Got Two Expensive Ass Cars For Her 16th Birthday

December 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Lil Wayne and his ex-wife Toya Wright threw their daughter Reginae Carter a 16th birthday party in Atlanta over the weekend and shit was like My Super Sweet 16 on pink roids. UsWeekly says that Reginae had several outfit changes throughout the night, she showed up in a Cinderella-like carriage and her party guests included Fantasia Barrino, Kandi from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, T.I., Tiny Harris and Nicki Minaj who also performed a song for her. Because Lil Wayne and Toya want to raise a down-to-earth young lady, they bought her two cars, one of which cost more than 20 years of rent on my apartment.

TMZ says that the tattooed gremlin bought his daughter a brand new BMW SUV and Toya and her current husband Memphitz paid for the Ferrari 599 GTO. I know, a 16 year old driving a Ferrari. What could go wrong? The streets of Atlanta are currently empty, because everyone’s taking MARTA from now on. If you asked me if I would rather ride shot gun in a Ferrari driven by a 16 year old or ride shot gun in a car driven by Lindsay “Pilot of Death” Lohan, I’d put on a helmet, pray to all the gods, grab an 8-ball and say, “Come on, LiLo, I’ve got your driving powder, let’s go.

A “source” tells TMZ that Wayne and Toya both agreed that Reginae is a responsible driver and can handle a Ferrari. I mean, Reginae plays Grand Theft Auto a lot and she’s only ran over like 12 people. She’s totally capable!

Ferrari aside, doesn’t Lil Wayne have 500 kids (“4, but close enough” – you)? Lil Wayne will probably have more kids and all of his kids are going to expect a lavish and opulent 16th birthday party that ends with them getting the keys to a brand new BMW. I know he’s worth a mountain of money, but he should still put cash aside for all those future Super Sweet 16s. Because if he doesn’t, the only shit his youngest will get on their 16th birthday is a bus pass and a party for 4 at McDonald’s.

Pics: Film Magic

Beyoncé Knocked Oprah From The Top Spot On The Forbes 100 Celebrity List

June 30, 2014 / Posted by:

Somewhere in Montecito, CA there’s a terrified-looking Stedman frantically running around a Starbucks trying to order $3 million dollars worth of chai tea lattes and screaming at a barista: “I’ll take whatever you’ve got! This is important, GODDAMNIT! Is this all of it here in the SALE bin? Ring it up faster!” before collapsing to the floor and rocking back and forth in the fetal position chanting: “There’s still time…there’s still time…it’s okay….Oprah won’t be too mad…”. Poor Stedman. Forbes magazine released their annual 100 Richest Assholes List (aka the Celebrity 100) today, and his boo Oprah was knocked from her spot at #1 by lifelike android chanteuse Beyoncé. Even worse, Her Majesty Oprah didn’t even get a seat at the exclusive Top 3 Table: instead, Forbes handed Oprah a tray and a bundle of plastic cutlery and told her there was a #4 spot and a stale chicken souvlaki waiting for her in the food court with the rest of the losers. Here’s the Top 10:

1. Beyoncé ($115 million)
2. LeBron James ($72 million)
3. Dr. Dre ($620 million – gold diggers everywhere just peed a little)
4. Oprah ($82 million)
5. Ellen DeGeneres ($70 million)
6. Jay-Z ($60 million)
7. Floyd Mayweather ($105 million)
8. Rihanna ($48 million)
9. Katy Perry ($40 million)
10. Robert Downey Jr. ($75 million)

The Forbes Celebrity 100 measures both fame and money, so while Yawncé didn’t make the most money, her massive ego fame makes up for it and put her at #1. Likewise, Oprah made a good chunk of money, but the former golden goose did nothing but lay coke-filled shit eggs this year. But it doesn’t matter, because this list is clearly inaccurate! The real Celebrity 100 Top 1o should read as follows:

1. The Hammaconda ($106 trillion in broken hearts)
2. Bruce Jenner (you can’t put a dollar value on exquisite beauty)
3. Anderson Cooper ($65 million)
4. Britney Jean Spears ($30 million in Velveeta)
5. That Bat Boy-looking kid from the Marlins Fan Cam ($20 million)
6. Saint Angie ($104 billion in angel dollars)
7. La Croix coconut soda (it’s the Champale of canned waters)
8. Mariah’s photoshop artiste (still waiting to get paid)
9. Purin the beagle ($30 million)
10. Princess RiRi’s nipples ($40/hour)

You’re right, I made a mistake – The Hammaconda should be numbers 1 through 100.

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