Yesterday Meghan McCain and Joy Behar made everyone forget about Whoopi’s latest victim-blaming whoopsie when the topic around the table turned to Donald Trump. If you know how much Joy hates Trump and how much Meghan loves playing Republican’s advocate, then you know exactly where this is going.
During my five month baby hiatus, I got reacquainted with my good ol’ friend, The View. For five months straight, I watched it every day to pass the time while nap-trapped under my baby on the couch. My infant daughter’s ears lived through the five weeks Joy Behar took over moderating duties from Whoopi and the show temporarily turned into the Joy vs. Meghan McCain Glass Table Death Match. I shouldn’t have admitted that out loud – I’m totally going to get a visit from CPS.
Point is, I came to remember that Meghan’s internal filter is permanently stuck on “be a loud right-leaning mess,” which was probably the sole job qualification The View producers were looking for when they hired her. Even though it may seem like Meghan annoys everyone within earshot, there is one person out there who wants to hear what Meghan has to say, and that’s Howard Stern.
Tracksuited weasel dropping Kid Rock has been asked by the city of Nashville to take his bawitdaba bullshit and get the hell off the back of whoever’s convertible carries the grand marshall of their Christmas parade. Kid has been fired as the grand marshall and, in an upgrade on Nashville’s part, been replaced by a dude who took down a gunman.
There are few things more American than the enduring tradition of daytime talk show Halloween hi-jinks. You take a bunch of middle-aged talking heads, a squad of professional makeup artists and costume designers, and a squealing studio audience; put ‘em in a pop culture blender on puree and voila! Whoopi Goldberg dressed as a purple baby vampire. And there’s no getting out of it at this point. It’s a whole thing now, everybody must participate. Do you think Ryan Seacrest enjoys sitting in a makeup chair for three hours and getting cinched up in a corset? I don’t know his life! But he does it whether he likes it or not.
The View hasn’t had a good brawl since Whoopi Goldberg battled intelligence with that “rape rape” comment. Joy Behar and Meghan McCain were generous enough to give the viewing audience an exciting callback to the “Rosie O’Donnell prepping to devour Elisabeth Hasselbeck“-era by throwing down on Friday’s episode.
The View is really back! It’s been only six seconds from their season premiere and they’ve already managed to cause a shit load of OUTRAGE and a boycott was called. On the patio of her Florida mansion, Barbara Walters cooed out, “Now that’s the show I created and love,” right before she continued to live that retiree life by doing a Metamucil and vodka shot off of her pool boy’s shaved crotch.
It all started the morning after the Miss America pageant when Michelle Collins brought up the monologue about being a nurse that Miss Colorado gave during the talent show section. They showed a clip of Miss Colorado delivering the monologue while wearing her nurse uniform. Joy watched the clip and piped in with, “Why does she have a doctor’s stethoscope around her neck?” And with that, the #nursesmatter hash tag was born, a thousand hate letters from nurses were launched and people I didn’t even know are nurses dragged The View tricks by the hair on Facebook.