It’s being reported that 44-year-old David Beckham has gotten in trouble with the British driving authorities and has actually been banned from driving for the next six months. Don’t worry it’s not something serious like drunk driving, he’s just a general ass mess.
Stories about David Beckham having a wandering eye are about as common as stories of Donald Trump being an asshole with a wandering eye. Normally, I don’t really pay attention or care to David stories since I’m still wondering why his wife, Posh Spice, gave up easy money performing with the Spice Girls to focus on her fashion label. Alas, this one has legs since, unlike David’s prior rumored flings with people like his own child’s kindergarten teacher or soccer groupies, this is someone who could swallow Posh, er, Victoria Beckham whole. After all, even those salty queens Dolce & Gabbana seem to like her, and they hate everyone. Tabloids say that Victoria is getting jealous of David’s relationship with Helena Christensen.
Presumably because she’d rather eat her own arm (or any solid foods, for that matter) than have a reporter ask her about rejoining the Spice Girls, Victoria Beckham took a Percocet, scheduled a sit-down with a reporter, and proceeded to smile the day away and talk about why so many people think she and David Beckham are on the rocks (hint: sometimes he implies it!). Posh has a new Reebok partnership to promote and buried a passing line in the overall story about the divorce rumors.
On Halloween night, Scary Spice lived up to her name by dressing as the most terrifying thing she could think of. Mel B went as a banshee who continues to haunt Victoria Beckham’s life by never shutting up about that damn Spice Girls reunion tour.
Brand Beckham is not one to be fucked with, so that’s why I figured David and Victoria Beckham have managed to be married for 19 years. Nobody wants just one Beckham, so they’re like Olsen twins who occasionally bone and produce offspring. Try not to think about that one for too long. ANYWAY, the Beckhams are plagued with divorce and cheating rumors about as often as Donald Trump fires off a Tweet about, ah, anything. I figured the Beckhams had their bouts of genuine marital strife but usually only about who got first dibs on the hair straightener that day. David had a sit-down with Australian TV and came clean that marriage ain’t easy. Le duh!
Somewhere Ralph Lauren is wondering when he approved a fall campaign starring Posh Spice and her children. Fear not Ralph, for that never happened. This is Victoria Beckham and her children Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruz, and Harper, with their dog Olive on the cover of the October issue of British Vogue. But someone is missing. Where’s David Beckham?! Well good news for David Beckham fans: his face made it onto a cover, just not this main one.