Category: Billionaire Shit
Elon Musk Will Make A Whole New Phone If Apple And Google Block Twitter
You’d think that after a month of playing with a new toy that spoiled billionaire Elon Musk would have gotten bored and moved on to something else to waste his time on. Maybe “manage” his two other businesses? Nah! The man who proved that money can’t buy you cool is still wiling his time away on Twitter, hoping that Nathan Fielder will see it and become his best friend. Shockingly, the only people Elon is managing to befriend throughout this fiasco are far right-winger messes. And due to the increase in hate speech and ugly content, some users believe that this might lead to Twitter being kicked off of Google and Apple’s app stores. But the meme-stealing CEO has a plan for that eventuality: he’ll make his own phone! Please, Elon, stop “fixing” things and go hang out with your kids or something!
Mackenzie Scott Donated $85 Million To Girl Scouts Of The USA, Breaking A Record
Going through a divorce can be stressful, so I can understand why MacKenzie Scott might be hoarding boxes of Samoas and Thin Mints in her freezer, but with $84.5 million dollars worth of cookies, she’s gonna need an entire temperature-controlled warehouse to store them. Of course, by my logic, that means that MacKenzie was hoarding lesbians, Black people, affordable housing, and icebergs in the wake of her divorce from Jeff Bezos, so maybe Mackenzie just made the single largest individual donation to Girl Scouts of the USA because she cares.
Elon Musk Sold 10,000 Bottles Of Cologne That Smells Like Burnt Hair And Is Pretty Sure He Doesn’t Have Any More “Looming Babies”
I suppose every generation has had to contend with eccentric billionaires. It’s just that billionaires nowadays are far richer and further isolated from the reality the rest of us live in. Take Howard Hughes, for example. He was a big weirdo who probably enjoyed the smell of burnt hair and was unnaturally obsessed with his own semen, but he didn’t have legions of fans willing to egg him on at each and every increasingly demented endeavor. If he did, we would have seen one of his relatives on Antiques Roadshow let out a resigned sigh when Mark L. Walberg tells them the Hughes Tool Company branded bottle of urine they found in the attic isn’t even worth 5 cents at the recycling center. Meanwhile, legions of Musk Rats are out here throwing good money after bad buying up $100 bottles of Burnt Hair scented cologne from Elon Musk’s gag business The Boring Company. You see, Howard may have drooled on stars. But Elon is one.
Kris Jenner Is Reportedly Concerned About Kylie Jenner’s Spending Habits
Kim Kardashian may pray at the altar of Marilyn Monroe, who reportedly once said “anything’s possible, almost.” Like fitting a 10-pound sack of godknowswhat into a size 10 dress, for example. But her sister Kylie Jenner apparently follows the advice of a different blond bombshell, Dolly Parton, who famously says “it costs a lot of money to look this cheap.” But Kylie’s so advanced at looking cheap and tacky that instead of spending her money on wigs, make-up, and millions upon millions of books for children in need, she spends it on 17-minute private jet trips across town. According to Page Six, her mom Kris Jenner is concerned about her spending habits and wants her to pump the brakes. But like, which brakes? Kylie has an $8 million car collection and a $72 million jet. We talking the Bugatti Chiron, the Ferrari 458 Spider, the Ferrari 488 Spider or one of the Lambos? Certainly not the pink Rolls. She doesn’t even drive that car, she just keeps it running in the driveway at all times.
Twitter Has Sued Elon Musk In An Attempt To Force Him To Go Through With His Acquisition
Twitter is finally taking steps to rid itself of its troll problem. Well, not all the trolls obviously, some I imagine are useful for traffic, but the big ugly one that has been running around leaving poop emojis in their corporate offices must be stopped. As expected, after Elon Musk officially withdrew from his acquisition agreement to buy the company for $44 billion, Twitter has released an army of lawyers armed with big words highlighter pens and filed a lawsuit against Elon to “compel consummation of the merger,” in the hopes that he won’t shit where he eats, I guess. Jokes on them though since trolls as nasty as Elon will happily eat their own shit for lols, even if it costs them a $1 billion breakup fee.
Rihanna Has Unseated Kylie Jenner As America’s Youngest Self-Made Female Billionaire, According To Forbes
Thanks to a variety of business ventures including music (well, sometimes), makeup, skincare, and underwear, 34-year-old Rihanna is very rich. So no one should be shocked that once again, Forbes has declared Rihanna to be a very rich person. Except in this particular case, they’re also knocking very rich person, 23-year-old Kylie Jenner, down a peg, by officially crowning Rihanna as the youngest self-made American female billionaire. Sorry, Kylie! But don’t worry, it looks like you’ll always retain your title of Richest Child of Kris Jenner Named Kylie.