Sources Complained That Production On Lauren Sanchez’s Self-Financed Feature Film Has Been A Disaster
Move over Tom Cruise, there’s a new Maverick in town! And she’s been to space! Well, near space. Lauren Sanchez, Jeff Bezos’ paramour, isn’t your typical billionaire’s bimbo (yes, we’re all looking at you, Ann Lesley Smith! Until he puts a ring on it, you’re just another dime-a-dozen widowed sexagenarian singing lady cop priest with an ancient boyfriend!), she’s a business woman! Who’s been to near space! As such, she’s making moves and doing thangs. One of those moves is “self-financing” “her first indie movie,” and one of those thangs is asking “to land her helicopter on set.” In heels! Well, in heels taller than Tom’s!
Lauren Sanchez Talks About Being “Devastated” Over Losing A Gig On “The View,” Jeff Bezos’ Pancakes, And Having To Be More Private Now
What’s it like to be the World’s Most Glamorous Woman on the arm of the World’s Baldest Billionaire? Well, nobody is really sure because MacKenzie Scott refuses to do interviews about her ex-husband Jeff Bezos. But Jeff’s new lady friend Lauren Sanchez did! And while she may not be quite as glamorous as Mac, Jeff’s “goofy” ass (Lauren’s word, not mine, but also mine) is lucky to have her. Billions of dollars won’t buy you love, but it can buy you a former working girl (in this case, a former Extra correspondent) with a head for business and a bod for sin. According to Lauren’s alma mater, Extra, in her “first solo interview!,” she told The Wall Street Journal (so much for that inside scoop, Extra. How are you gonna keep ‘em on the farm when they’ve seen the inside of Jeff’s Bezos’ space dick?) that losing out on her “dream job” as one of the hosts of The View in 1999, was “one of the most devastating days of [her] life.” But if you think Lauren is still wallowing in pity and regret 23 years later, then you don’t know Lauren at all.
Something is up with the billionaires. While Elon Musk decides to make Twitter even more of a hellscape for millions of users (and rack up some sweet lawsuits in the process), Jeff Bezos is keeping it a bit more localized and simply harassing his housekeeping staff. Ex-staff member Mercedes Wedaa slapped Bezos with a lawsuit accusing Bezos’s companies of racial discrimination and Bezos himself for barring her and her colleagues from taking rest breaks. She claims that access to bathrooms was particularly difficult and, in some cases, required climbing out the window. With previous news of Amazon workers peeing in bottles, it appears that Bezos genuinely doesn’t want us to piss!
“Hey Alexa, can you summon the dead spirit of my Nana?” is something that you may be able to do soon. CNBC says that Amazon has announced a new development in their Alexa voice assistant. At Amazon’s Re:Mars conference in Las Vegas this week, they announced that they’re working on a new feature that allows you to have Alexa “replicate” human voices; even dead people. Excellent! The dead have not been pestered enough, actually.
Sadly, Pete Davidson won’t be able to say, “Wow, this might be the highest I’ve ever been!“, from space any time soon. Pete was scheduled to blast into space next Wednesday on one of his new friend Jeff Bezos’ dildo-shaped Blue Origin rockets. But the blast-off was rescheduled from March 23 to later in the month. The bad news for Pete is that this new scheduling conflict will prevent him from being on board.
I’ve got to hand it to Kim Kardashian, the girl’s got gumption. There is no door she’s unwilling to barge through, no ceiling too high. And because we live in increasingly stupid times, people just let her! Not only do they let her, but they are also inviting her in to have a seat at the table in the rooms where it happens. According to TMZ, Kim had a busy couple of days, first having coffee with Hillary and Chelsea Clinton on Monday, then going to dinner at Jeff Bezos’ mansion with her boyfriend Pete Davidson on Tuesday. And personally, I think these leaders of the free world need to start locking their doors at night, just as a precaution until we figure out what’s going on. She could be a Russian asset for all we know!