You can keep your GMA cheating scandals and your Ryan Seacrest/Andy Cohen beefs; the only daytime talk drama I care about involves getting to the BOTTOM of WHO FARTED ON THE VIEW?!?! And let’s not go jumping to conclusions and pointing fingers at Whoopi Goldberg just because she’s got a comically cacophonous cushion named after her! The only gas escaping from Whoopi’s hole is the withering hisssss of her sighs.
Lauren Sanchez Talks About Being “Devastated” Over Losing A Gig On “The View,” Jeff Bezos’ Pancakes, And Having To Be More Private Now
What’s it like to be the World’s Most Glamorous Woman on the arm of the World’s Baldest Billionaire? Well, nobody is really sure because MacKenzie Scott refuses to do interviews about her ex-husband Jeff Bezos. But Jeff’s new lady friend Lauren Sanchez did! And while she may not be quite as glamorous as Mac, Jeff’s “goofy” ass (Lauren’s word, not mine, but also mine) is lucky to have her. Billions of dollars won’t buy you love, but it can buy you a former working girl (in this case, a former Extra correspondent) with a head for business and a bod for sin. According to Lauren’s alma mater, Extra, in her “first solo interview!,” she told The Wall Street Journal (so much for that inside scoop, Extra. How are you gonna keep ‘em on the farm when they’ve seen the inside of Jeff’s Bezos’ space dick?) that losing out on her “dream job” as one of the hosts of The View in 1999, was “one of the most devastating days of [her] life.” But if you think Lauren is still wallowing in pity and regret 23 years later, then you don’t know Lauren at all.
At the dawn of 2022, Whoopi Goldberg started her year by catching a ton of well-deserved flack for arguing on The View that the Holocaust wasn’t about race–because she didn’t consider “Jewish” a race– but it was actually just about “how people treat each other.” And after a tsunami of eye-rolls, she embarked on a weak apology tour. Although one would think that her largest takeaway from that whole experience is that she should never open her raspy mouth-hole about the Holocaust again, she did. But while Whoopi’s comments in a recent interview looked like she was back on her “Jewish isn’t a race/the Holocaust was white on white crime” bullshit, she issued another apology and said she was only reflecting on her thought process when she made the original controversial comments.
Whoopi Goldberg Has A Clause In Her Will That Stops Anyone From Trying To Make An Unauthorized Biopic About Her Life
One of the reasons I never watch The View is because, eventually, their constant bickering transforms into The Real Housewives of Metamucil. But sometimes the topics take a sharp turn into random territory, which apparently happened during a segment where co-host Sunny Hostin let Whoopi Goldberg know she will be celebrated while playing patty cake with Jesus in the afterlife. But when the subject of films about her life and career came up, Whoopi immediately shut that down by saying, “NOPE!” because there’s no way anyone can get away with that without speaking to her family first.
We can’t credit Alyssa Milano for the creation of the #MeToo movement but we can acknowledge that she was one of the first celebrities to inspire my usage of the hashtag #TookToTwitter, which, despite my considerable efforts over the years to make that a thing, continues to languish from disuse, forever criminally underused and hanging by a thread much like the fate of Twitter itself since Elon Musk took over (or #TookTwitter, for those keeping track) and fired all the adults. But ever since Alyssa got a little bit of credit for helping #MeToo spread like wildfire on Twitter back in the early days of our current end times, she’s used the platform as a virtual soapbox (yes, her avatar is STILL standing on a literal one, megaphone in hand) for her burgeoning career as a leftist rabble-rouser. And she’s not going down without a fight.
Spooky Season is in full swing, and if Terrifier 2 making people faint and vomit wasn’t disturbing enough, now we have to find a way to reconcile the mental image of Joy Behar having sex. And not just sex with anyone–because like Paz de la Huerta, Anna Nicole Smith, and Bobby Brown who came (wah-wah-wee-wah!) before her–Joy has rubbed uglies with a ghost. And not just one, several.