Despite the obvious similarities, Selena Gomez and the rapper T.I. are not really all that much alike. Even though they wear the same shoe size, when it comes to accepting smooches from a chain smoker, Selena is by far the more liberal of the two. According to Us Weekly, Selena has no issue cleaning out a dirty ashtray with her tongue and has been “having a lot of fun” with her new boyfriend, Drew Taggart, 1/2 of the EDM duo The Chainsmokers and presumably the 4th wheel on the SMS Wifey, Brooklyn, and Nicola Peltz-Beckham’s yacht.
⅓ of the BeckPelMez throuple, Brooklyn Beckham, has been trying to shove his basic-ass food down everyone’s throats for a minute now, ever since waking up one day and deciding that he wanted to be a “chef.” And so it was, since Victoria and David Beckham are his parents, and he has the means to put on any fleeting career-hat of his choosing. But he’s been catching so much flack for his lack of training and execution of recipes that Mommy Becks took a time out from feuding with Brooklyn and his wife, Nicola Peltz Beckham, to defend the roast beef he made on his reel the other day (as if she eats roast beef; we know she only eats fish and toast). If Brooklyn is keeping count of the people in his corner, he can now add another notch to his eyebrow because he just gained another defender in the form of sweary celebrity chef/Beckham family friend Gordon Ramsay. Though Gordon would scream, “IT’S FUCKENNNN RAWWWWE,” right in the face of anyone else who made that roast, he instead offered the insight that Brooklyn can’t help who his parents are and things are really hard for him, so everyone needs to cut him a break.
I’m sure Victoria Beckham couldn’t be any more proud of her son, Brooklyn Beckham, for not only keeping up with his pandemic hobby for two entire years, but also for making a career for himself out of it. To think, had Brooklyn taken up drinking too much and masturbating in the middle of the day like the rest of us, instead of learning how to cook; well, he’d be broke and bloated with a raw pee-pee/woo-woo like the rest of us. Instead, his business is thriving. So much so he’s had to bring on help! And not just in the kitchen. We all know that the concepts of “dining” and “cuisine” were heretofore foreign to Victoria, but now that they are the only things separating Brooklyn from reaching his full potential and professional destitution, she’s had to step out of her comfort zone to defend Brooklyn against charges of under-cooking a roast of beef in his latest
tutorial sizzle reel.
Selena Gomez Rang In 2023 On A Yacht With Brooklyn Beckham And Nicola Peltz; Says We Can Call Them A “Throuple”
It figures that 2023 couldn’t just waltz in and keep it cool with the eye-roll and heavy exhale material, but we’re only three days in, and it appears that the Cerberus in charge of guarding the ability for us all to give our eye muscles and lungs a rest has reared its three kind-of punchable heads. Kidney donor snubber, Selena Gomez, spent New Year’s Eve on a yacht with alleged nanny terrorizer, Nicola Peltz, and Nicola’s self-proclaimed/underqualified “chef” husband, Brooklyn Beckham. Selena felt the need to mark the occasion by making four separate Instagram posts about it and, in the final one, said we can “calls [sic] them a throuple.”
David Beckham Reportedly Chewed Out Brooklyn Beckham After Nicola Peltz Discussed Their Family Drama In A Magazine
If you’ve recently been experiencing headaches, vertigo, and persistent tinnitus, it may be because the high-pitched, squeaky wails of David Beckham bounced off the Tower of London, traveled the halls of Buckingham Palace, and then made their way across the English Channel and Atlantic floating directly into your earholes. Reportedly, Daddy Beckham had finally had enough of the drama that’s been plaguing their family ever since his son, Brooklyn Beckham, married Nicola Peltz. Apparently, Nicola’s recent magazine interview where she aired out some of the rumored drama between her and mother-in-law, Victoria Beckham, was the straw that broke the wee church mouse’s vocal cords, and David finally reamed out Brooklyn hoping to put a stop to the feud.
As Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz continue to make their high society debut as Mr. & Mrs. Wifey Peltz Beckham, the pressure is mounting for Brooklyn to distinguish himself as an adult man with a distinct personality who knows his business and what he’s about. And since Nicola’s way ahead of him in this regard, he’s got a lot of catching up to do. Brooklyn has settled on Wife Guy for his personality and he’s gonna keep “chef” as his occupation. And what he’s all about is getting tattoos that prove both. As we’ve learned in his recent Variety interview, Brooklyn is a married, tattooed man who took his pandemic hobby of cooking and turned it into an empire. An empire so vast that at just 23, Brooklyn was able to purchase a $1.2 million McLaren P1 with the proceeds from just one poorly-edited 30 second cooking video that features a closeup of a pair of disambiguated hands risking it all by ripping apart a piece of fried fish as a volcano of hot grease comes gushing out, threatening to obliterate the word “married,” which Brooklyn recently got tattooed onto his hand. Brooklyn’s new ink is just one of 70 tattoos Brooklyn has on his body dedicated to his blushing bride. I mean, I’d be mortified too if I were her.