Woody Allen’s Memoirs Have Been Published
Today in “Why?” and “Huh?” comes the news that Woody Allen’s memoirs, Apropos of Nothing, have actually been published. By a real life publishing company. March of 2020 continues to hit it outta the park! This news comes a couple weeks after Hachette Book Group dropped the book, following a storm of controversy that included angry statements by former Hachette author Ronan Farrow and Woody’s accuser, Dylan Farrow, and staged employee walkouts in protest.
The memoirs’ new publisher, Arcade Publishing, made no prior announcement about acquiring the rights, so publishing the book today was a fun lil’ surprise. I’m sure everyone working at Arcade is just thrilled.
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Brain Warp!
Nowadays, whatever is left of my brain is nothing but a pile of burnt-up weed buds and dried jizz balls, so even the question “What is two plus two?” causes my brain to warp. But back in the 90s, when some of us still had one working brain cell, one way to break our brain was to play the nerdy cousin of Bop It! called Brain Warp.
Simon Rex Says He Was Offered $70,000 By A British Tabloid To Lie About Hooking Up With Meghan Markle
The name Simon Rex takes me back to a frustrating moment in the 90s when a teenage me learned that a hot new MTV VJ named Simon Rex did gay porn. So of course, me, being hard up for anything gay, used our dial-up (which was run by a sedated snail on a rusty treadmill) to download Simon Rex’s gay porn from Napster, or some shit. And I’m giving you a low estimate when I say that it took 80 hours to download a 45-second clip (and that’s partly thanks to my sister fucking shit up for me by constantly having to use the phone). When I finally opened up that clip, I dropped the lotion and waved my fist in the air while cursing the lie-telling evil pieces of trash who told me it was gay porn. It wasn’t gay porn! It was just jack off porn! Yes, I still fapped to it, but I fapped through angry gritted teeth.
Well, Simon Rex’s jack off porn past is back in the news again thanks to a story he told on a podcast called Hollywood Raw (which surprisingly isn’t a podcast devoted to porn starring celebrities). Simon claimed that one big British tabloid offered him a ton of money to lie and say he hooked up with Meghan Markle, and probably because that tabloid couldn’t wait to use the headline: Royal Blue Waffle! THE QUEEN Orders Meghan Markle’s Tramp Ass To Get An STD Test After Finding Out She Hooked Up With A Bareback Gay Porn Star!!!!
Movie Theaters Are Closing Because Of Coronavirus, But You Can Now Watch Multiple Razzie Award Winner “Cats” At Home
Anybody old enough to have been traumatized by that cough scene from 1995’s Outbreak, knows that a movie theater is the last place you want to go during a global pandemic. And according to Deadline, movie theaters know this too. As of today, the AMC theater chain (America’s largest) has closed all of its 630 locations for “at least six to 12 weeks,” “in compliance with local, state and federal directives and as a precaution to help ensure the health and safety of moviegoers and staff.” Regal theaters will also be closed “until further notice.” But don’t panic! You can now watch the six-time 2020 Golden Raspberry Award-winning film Cats, right from the discomfort of your own home! No need for your nightmares to travel in your brain all the from the theater to your bed! You can close your eyes as you’re watching, and let the strains of Jennifer Hudson sniffle-wailing her way through Memory, lull you into a hellscape only slightly less disturbing than the one we’re living in now!
Open Post: Hosted By Rita Moreno In Steven Spielberg’s “West Side Story”
Steven Spielberg’s take on West Side Story (which is obviously something we’ve ALL been asking for) is scheduled to hit theaters on December 20, 2020, and well, by then, we may not be able to see it since we’ll all be too busy fighting other dirty-assed bitches over the last bottle of life elixir (aka booze). But there’s a chance that coronavirus won’t bring on the end of times, so 20th Century Fox is keeping the promo train running and has given Vanity Fair several stills and set pics from Spielberg’s WSS including a couple of ageless Puerto Rican blossom Rita Moreno, who won an Oscar for playing Anita in the original 1961 movie. Sadly in this one, Rita doesn’t play an abuelita-aged Anita, who has spent decades fight training and preparing for the moment when she’ll return to NYC to get back at the pepaw-aged Jets for raping her. This ain’t WSS 2: Anita’s Revenge, unfortunately.
Nicki Minaj’s Husband Finally Registered As A Sex Offender
Back in 1995, Kenneth Petty, Nicki Minaj’s husband, was convicted of trying to rape a 16-year-old girl at knifepoint. He later served 7 years in prison for manslaughter for shooting a man to death in 2002 (he took a plea, the original charge was 2nd degree murder). There’s no national registry of murderers, but because of the rape conviction, Kenneth was required to be registered as a sex offender in his home state of New York. Same goes for California where he’s lived since his 2019 marriage to his old flame Nicki. Now, thanks to Megan’s Law, the denizens of Beverly Hills 90210 just got another little pin on the map of their hood. Kenneth has finally registered himself as a sex offender in the state of California, something he failed to do back in July of last year when he first moved there.