What Better Way To Spend Your Wedding Night Than Drunkenly Brawling With The Cops?
In It’s-Not-Just-Florida-News: a newlywed couple in Arizona have been arrested and charged for assaulting police officers during a brawl between cops and their wedding guests. In Florida they call that a “June Weddin’ In July”. Just kidding, but they probably do have a name for it. Friday Night?
Dlisted: The Podcast, Episode 59 – (Muh Muh Muh Muh) Joker Face
Allison and I start with the non-celebrity, but very damn fascinating, saga of the American couple who claim that the little Ukrainian girl they adopted was really an adult psychopath who was out to murder them. Once we spend approximately 10 hours (or around 15 minutes, which is 10 hours in Dlisted: The Podcast time) on that story, we also talk about whether or not we want to see that Joker crap, the expensive regret on Aaron Carter’s face, and Jennifer Lopez reading actresses left and right in the 90s.
We also get into JLo and Shakira teaming up for the Super Bowl Halftime Show, Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin torturing their weddings guests by making them watch The Notebook, Mark Ronson realizing he’s not a sapiosexual after saying he identifies as a sapiosexual, Mayor Pete’s shit taste in television shows, and Star Wars’ first openly gay couple…. which after I learned what species they were, got a sarcastically gay, “Wow, thanks, Star Wars,” from me.
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The Rumored Collaboration Between Adele And Beyoncé Turned Out To Be A Joke
One way to drum up interest in your new album is to hint at a collaboration with Jesus. We’ll see how far that gets Kanye, but another way to do it is to claim you’re collaborating with The Queen (Bey). And if you really want to get people to Google “What is One Republic”, you claim that Adele and Beyoncé are both going to be on the same track. You can leave out the whole part about Gwyneth Paltrow’s brother Chris Martin laying down a piano riff on it, even if that turns out to be the only part that’s actually true.
Drake Pissed Off His Brazilian Fans At The Rock In Rio Festival
Drake made himself persona non grata in Brazil over the weekend where he was paid $12 million – $16 million to play at the Rock In Rio festival. According to UOL, Drake has Brazilian fans using his own Hotline Bling meme against him, rejecting his behavior which included last minute cancellations, complaints about the size of the stage, and not trusting Brazilian chefs to prepare his food by getting his personal chef to fry him a single potato (which he brought with him) in the kitchen of his luxury hotel’s Michelin-starred restaurant. All without tipping a single soul. Well, he might have “tipped” the “insta-models” that were invited to his hotel for a “private party“, but we’ll never know because he made them all leave their phones at the door.
Halsey And Evan Peters Appear To Be Dating
Well, anything’s gotta be better than a fiancée who pummels you and chomps down on your face like it was a slice from Pizzeria Regina’s. Imagined Black Mirror episode inspiration Halsey and American Horror Story chameleon and engagement to Emma Roberts survivor Evan Peters are random…I mean, dating.
Night Crumbs
Meanwhile in Milan, Jennifer Lopez shut down the Versace show in a reboot of the iconic ho shit jungle dress she wore to the Grammys 20 years ago, which caused people to Google that shit so much that Google created Google Images. So truly, we need to all give JLo a million thank yous for being able to see a GIF of Liam Neeson’s swinging peen after typing “GIF of Liam Neeson’s swinging peen” in Google Images. But really, JLo should’ve saved the reboot of that iconic dress for when she wins an OSCUH for Hustlers. But then again, none of us would see it since we’d be passed out from shock over JLo winning an Oscar – Lainey Gossip
I’m just going to go ahead and tell myself that Beyonce dresses like 1980s Lisa Bonet from time to time just because. And no, I do not want to see Jay-Z in nut-hugging leather pants as Lenny Kravitz – Celebitchy
Fran Drescher still hates us and wants to punish us with a Nanny reboot – Pajiba
