Simon Rex Says He Was Offered $70,000 By A British Tabloid To Lie About Hooking Up With Meghan Markle

The name Simon Rex takes me back to a frustrating moment in the 90s when a teenage me learned that a hot new MTV VJ named Simon Rex did gay porn. So of course, me, being hard up for anything gay, used our dial-up (which was run by a sedated snail on a rusty treadmill) to download Simon Rex’s gay porn from Napster, or some shit. And I’m giving you a low estimate when I say that it took 80 hours to download a 45-second clip (and that’s partly thanks to my sister fucking shit up for me by constantly having to use the phone). When I finally opened up that clip, I dropped the lotion and waved my fist in the air while cursing the lie-telling evil pieces of trash who told me it was gay porn. It wasn’t gay porn! It was just jack off porn! Yes, I still fapped to it, but I fapped through angry gritted teeth.

Well, Simon Rex’s jack off porn past is back in the news again thanks to a story he told on a podcast called Hollywood Raw (which surprisingly isn’t a podcast devoted to porn starring celebrities). Simon claimed that one big British tabloid offered him a ton of money to lie and say he hooked up with Meghan Markle, and probably because that tabloid couldn’t wait to use the headline: Royal Blue Waffle! THE QUEEN Orders Meghan Markle’s Tramp Ass To Get An STD Test After Finding Out She Hooked Up With A Bareback Gay Porn Star!!!!

When Simon Rex was just a youngin’ trying to make it in L.A. (Wikipedia says he was around 20, but other sources say he was 18), he did what he had to do to pay the rent and that included doing himself on camera. Simon performed under the name “Sebastian” in three fap films: Young, Hard & Solo #2, Young, Hard & Solo #3, and Hot Sessions III. Simon got paid to do himself and also hump a really ugly rug from Ikea. The clips are on PornHub in case your ass isn’t already there watching them.

On Hollywood Raw, 45-year-old Simon says that when Meghan Markle went from chick on Suits to future wife of Prince Hot Ginge, the tabloids found out that he knew her and tried to get stories out of him. Simon and Meghan met while filming a 2005 UPN sitcom called Cuts together, and he says that they went to lunch once, but it wasn’t a date. One tabloid wanted him to lie and say they did it, but Simon didn’t feel right about that and didn’t want to be whacked (and not in a sexy way) by 007:

“Well, I wasn’t really dating her, we hung out one time because we did a TV show together. Nothing happened. We never even kissed. We hung out once in a very non-datey way, but it got spun into we dated. We got lunch. That was the extent of it. But it looked like we dated, but nothing happened. Just to be clear.

It’s funny because the tabloids, when that story broke, a couple of British tabloids offered to pay me a lot of money to say a lie, that we actually hooked up. And dude, I said no to a lot of money because I didn’t feel right lying and fucking up the royal fucking family and having, who knows, the fucking KGB, oh no, that’s Russia. What’s the British fucking government? The parliament? I didn’t want to be fucking whacked in the alleys of London because I lied. So nothing happened.”

Simon claims he was offered $70k to lie:

“They wanted me to say that we like, basically fucked. Or like tell us a sexy story or whatever it was. And I’m like, ‘That didn’t happen.’ They’re like, ‘Well, we’ll pay you this much to say it did.’ It was a lot of money, man. It was like 70 grand.”

Simon did end up talking to The Sun, but says he got paid a lot less than $70k, and that he told the truth. The Sun did run a story in 2018 about how Simon went out to lunch with Meghan and tried to kiss her after and asked her if she wanted to get a drink, but she denied him, and he thinks it’s because he had stank breath from eating garlic noodles. The Sun also brought up the videos that caused many a closeted gay teen to demand a refund (even though none of us paid for those videos):

Meghan turned down his requests for another date and Simon also concedes it may be because she may have Googled him afterwards and discovered his porn film past.

He said: “It’s possible that she found out afterwards. There’s so many questions I don’t know the answer to about why we never went on a second date.

“But I’m blaming it on the garlic noodles. To this day that’s like an ongoing joke — don’t order the ­garlic noodles that ruined my ­chances!”

The Daily Mail also called Simon “Meghan Markle’s porn star ex” in an article from 2018.

Even if Meghan dated and sexed on Simon, big damn deal. It’s not like he was an underage sex trafficking victim. And it’s a shame that Meghan and Simon didn’t become lifelong friends, because I’d love to hear about THE QUEEN dropping it low at Meghan and PHG’s wedding reception as Simon’s KFed-like alter ego “Dirt Nasty” performed this wreck:

Pics: Wenn.com