Open Post: Hosted By Dolly Parton Letting Playboy Know That She’s Ready To Grace Their Cover With Her Beauty Again
Thank your lucky stars, because you’re smack dab in the middle of a Dolly Parton Renaissance. The last few months Dolly’s been out there hustling her new wig line, her 50th anniversary celebration at the Grand Ole Opry, her Netflix series Heartstrings, and her lifestyle brand. She also set the internet aflame with that dumb LinkedIn/Facebook/Instagram/Tinder thing all your aunts did, AKA the Dolly Parton challenge.
Recently, while promoting her new A&E documentary on 60 Minutes: Australia, she shared the happy news that she’ll never retire, and, in fact, would love to pose for Playboy again. Continue reading
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Paleontologist Barbie!
Now, usually this space is reserved for the glamour goddesses that were the Barbies of the 80s, but on this International Women’s Day, we’re going to skip forward to 1996 when the international woman that is Barbie was a paleontologist. And while the other paleontologists looked drab and dusty in their head-to-toe khaki, Barbie brought the eleganza by doing herself up like a gay camp counselor.
Open Post: Hosted By Lisa Kudrow Mistaking Beyonce For Kanye’s Wife
I never thought I’d live to see the day when the Beyhive might actually come for Valerie Cherish (fortunately, Lisa Kudrow still has a fan in Lindsay Lohan). I was also surprised to learn that, despite netting an alleged $4 million for the upcoming Friends reunion special on HBO, Lisa would still show up to take part in a daytime game show. But Saturdays are all about discovery.
Who Is February’s Hot Slut Of The Month?
And February’s Hot Slut of the Month battle is a nostalgia explosion, featuring some exploding cankles pants. Perdita, the World’s Most Evil Cat, has become our first HSOTM of 2020, and now it’s time to vote on who will face her in the first round of the Hot Slut of the Year next year, if we make it to next year. Of course, the first three finalists got the most Facebook likes for the months, and I picked the low-hanging white rubber nutsack pants, because I’d be going against one of the religions I belong to, The Church of Teabagging, if I didn’t! Your choices for February are:
G.E.’s Digital Clock Radio, the important artifact from the 1980s that was in 9 out of 10 homes (don’t fact check me on that) and took years off of lives from the jolt of that static-y radio sound when the alarm went off.
The Fisher-Price Tape Recorder, the important artifact from the 1980s that was used by every extremely serious reporter as an extremely serious recording device in extremely serious interviews.
The Inchworm, the important artifact from the 1970s that made adults wonder, “That LSD I took four weeks ago is still at it?“, while watching a kid bounce up and down as they rode a dopey-eyed worm in a jaunty hat.
Ballbottoms, the soon-to-be important artifact from today that future fashions historians will note as the one piece of fashion that finally brought demure elegance to the industry, and that doctors at the ER currently closest to me will tell future med students, “And one time this gay guy was brought in after a ballsack pant leg got stuck in his mouth.”
Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be crowned next Friday, March 13!
https://poll.fm/10516580
Pic: eBay, eBay, TurnTrashIntoCash,Harikrishnan
Open Post: Hosted By Jif Peanut Butter Settling The Jif/Gif Pronunciation Debate
Jif peanut butter is trying to get some of their own “MR. PEANUT IS DEAD!” viral fame by pairing up with GIPHY to release limited edition peanut butter jars that promise to “settle the great debate” on how to pronounce Gif/Jif. OK, sure. The new Gif jars are being sold for ten bucks on Amazon, and it looks they’re already sold out because dummies love buying dumb shit.
Dlisted: The Podcast, Episode 74 – And Guilty Of Stunt Queen-ing
Allison is back from her short vacation, and she immediately floods her cleansed and refreshed mind with smegma by talking about Harvey Weinstein, including his rape conviction, his walker dramatics, and the brain-destroying image of his down low area. From there, we talk about Pete Davidson’s long ass interview with Charlamagne tha God where he talks about adopting a baby with his mom, breaking up with Ariana Grande, and leaving Saturday Night Live.
We also get into Al Pacino’s girlfriend calling him old and cheap, Chris Evans playing the dentist in the Little Shop of Horrors movie, Mrs. Dash’s divorce, the wine-drinking dog on Love Is Blind, and what movies traumatized us as children. Yes, we begin with a cursed image and end with cursed images. We need to bathe our heads in holy water now.
You can find us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, Spotify, and Google Play. If you’ve got a question or want us to cover something, e-mail us at: [email protected]!
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