Open Post: Hosted By Auntie Anne’s Pretzel-Ordering Recliner
The true Anne with an E (sorry, Anne of Green Gables and Anne Hathaway), Auntie Anne’s, knows that many of us Americans have the humans from WALL-E on our vision boards because we can’t wait to be lazy mounds of carbs whose asses are permanently attached to a La-Z-Boy recliner. So they’re helping us in fulfilling our dreams by giving away one recliner that lets you order their pretzels with just the pull of a lever. Yes, they’re giving away just one. And you thought your aunts were cheap. They ain’t got shit on Auntie Anne.
Alyssa Milano Said She Tested Positive For COVID Antibodies
Earlier this week, Alyssa Milano announced that she and Tony Danza were set to star in a Who’s The Boss? reboot, SANS MONA. And Michael K wept. Then yesterday, Alyssa shared even more horrible news. She recently tested positive for coronavirus antibodies, after getting really sick right at the beginning of the outbreak in March. So no Mona, and now corona? Not Alyssa’s week.
Jennifer Garner And John Miller Are Done, And She Was Spotted With Bradley Cooper
Gwyneth Paltrow Got Into Why She And Chris Martin Consciously Uncoupled
The September issue of British Vogue may feature black activists on the cover, but inside it features everyone’s favorite (insert groans here) rich white woman Gwyneth Paltrow who wrote a personal essay about that time she brought the phrase “conscious uncoupling” to the masses when she and Chris Martin broke up. Gwyneth didn’t only bring up “conscious uncoupling” once again, she also once again talked about why her marriage to Chris Martin ended after 11 years. And well, at least this time she didn’t gross some people out by referring to Chris as her brother.
Kanye West Had Help Getting On The Ballot In Wisconsin From Donald Trump’s Republican Campaign Lawyer
Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West. Christian. Genius. Billionaire. Kanye West! There I did it, I also passed Donald Trump’s cognitive test and got the extra points for getting them in the right order. No need to congratulate me, I just wanted you to know that I could use a simple tool like Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West for my own narcissistic and pathological need for power and attention, just like Donald. Because you’re not going to believe this guys, but Kanye’s had some help getting his name on the ballot in certain key states (yes he’s a genius, but bureaucracy and deadlines aren’t exactly his strong suit). And while Donald has denied any personal involvement with Kanye’s campaign, according to People, it’s “getting a boost from Republican operatives and an attorney representing President Donald Trump.” Christian. Genius. Billionaire. Kanye West. Look, you thought I’d forget, but I didn’t!
Kelis Is Pregnant With Her Third Child
Page Six says that Kelis is pregnant! All that coronavirus lockdown sex is starting to come to fruition, eh? Lots of people are probably knocked up right now, but they won’t get to announce like Kelis did. No, she didn’t turn her pregnancy announcement into a theatrical event like others have done. She went a different route and got herself some sponsored Instagram content. I mean, hey, why not get paid to piss on a stick?