The September issue of British Vogue may feature black activists on the cover, but inside it features everyone’s favorite (insert groans here) rich white woman Gwyneth Paltrow who wrote a personal essay about that time she brought the phrase “conscious uncoupling” to the masses when she and Chris Martin broke up. Gwyneth didn’t only bring up “conscious uncoupling” once again, she also once again talked about why her marriage to Chris Martin ended after 11 years. And well, at least this time she didn’t gross some people out by referring to Chris as her brother.
Gwyneth’s essay for Vogue is called, “Conscious Uncoupling Has Permeated Break-Up Culture: Gwyneth Paltrow Looks Back On A Separation Revolution,” which, you know, is just her blowing more organic smoke up her ass. The usual! In her essay, she described her marriage to Chris as being great since they had the same sense of humor, loved the same kind of music, and blah blah blah, but things never really clicked between them:
“We were close, though we had never fully settled into being a couple. We just didn’t quite fit together. There was always a bit of unease and unrest. But man, did we love our children.”
Because of Gwyneth calling Chris her “brother” in the past, is “didn’t quite fit together” code for, “Well, he didn’t steam up my already-steamed up parts“? But moving on to Gwyneth jerking herself off more for inventing yoga and other things:
I have talked about many things over the years that people called me crazy for: yoga, reiki, macrobiotics, gluten-free food, anything about vaginas… The negativity that surrounded each one lives on on the internet.
Gwyneth then went on to talk about how she learned the term “conscious uncoupling” from her therapist and her sharing it with the world has changed break-ups forever!
Conscious uncoupling/separation/divorce, whatever you want to call it, has now permeated the break-up culture. Instead of people approaching me with, “Why did you say that?”, they now approach me with, “How do you do that?”
She also said that she and Chris still love each other, and in fact, loving your ex is a part of conscious uncoupling:
“It’s OK to stay in love with the parts of your ex that you were always in love with. In fact, that’s what makes conscious uncoupling work. Love all of those wonderful parts of them. They still exist, they can still make you feel the way you felt for that person. Rather than shutting them out, lean into the unfamiliarity of those feelings and explore them. We lose all the nuance of life when we make it all bad or all good.”
So healthy breakups are a great concept, but why is Gwyneth acting like she invented this idea when she points out in her article that her therapist is the one who told her about it, so like? They should sue Goop’s ass for regularly bringing it up! Get your cut of that golden dildo empire!