Category: We’re Doomed

Elon Musk Welcomes Trump Back To Twitter

November 20, 2022 / Posted by:

Twitter continues its march into hell with the billionaire-cum-pathetic memelord Elon Musk at the helm. Having led a disastrous effort at making verification available for anyone then quickly taking that away once everyone roasted him for it, battling dangerous Elon Musk impersonators like Kathy Griffin, and firing practically everyone at Twitter for not being “hardcore” enough, Elon is still trying to make his version of a free speech Twitter happen. Apparently, his vision of truth and honesty includes bringing back former president and stable genius Donald Trump onto the platform. Everyone can finally log off Truth Social!!!!

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“Bridgerton” Is Among Several Shows That Had To Be Shut Down Due To COVID-19 Outbreaks

July 19, 2021 / Posted by:

Not that it matters since we’re all probably going to be dead next year anyway but production on season 2 of Bridgerton has been halted indefinitely due to the ongoing pandemic that is determined to see us all dead by next year. According to Deadline, for the second time in a week, Netflix has had to shut down production on its big butts and bustles blockbuster due to a positive COVID-19 test. Bridgerton shoots in England where two other productions, Netflix’s Matilda based on the Broadway musical and HBO’s Game Of Thrones prequel House of The Dragon, have also been shut down due to COVID. At this rate, the surviving population of the coronapocalypse is going to have nothing but reruns of the Friends reunion to watch next season and that’s only if they can fend off the parasitic mutant anti-vaxxers who roam the wasteland in search of a host.

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Diplo Headlined A Super Bowl Super-Spreader Party On Saturday

February 8, 2021 / Posted by:

Yesterday’s National Sporting Event has me convinced that American has officially lost the plot in regards to the coronavirus pandemic and now Alexa is just going to go ahead and finish the story and will ping us when The End is out for delivery. And it wasn’t just the Super Bowl, our national need for spectacle, pandemic be damned, extended well past the football field and super-spread out into the streets. CNN reports that a Diplo headlined a party held at Tampa’s WTR Bar & Grill at The Godfrey Hotel on Saturday, was a particularly egregious event that drew thousands of drunken, maskless maniacs and upset officials. But don’t worry, looks like Diplo has been vaccinated for COVID-19 so he’ll probably be fine. But most of us are fucked.

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Kanye West Had Help Getting On The Ballot In Wisconsin From Donald Trump’s Republican Campaign Lawyer

August 6, 2020 / Posted by:

Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West. Christian. Genius. Billionaire. Kanye West! There I did it, I also passed Donald Trump’s cognitive test and got the extra points for getting them in the right order. No need to congratulate me, I just wanted you to know that I could use a simple tool like Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West for my own narcissistic and pathological need for power and attention, just like Donald. Because you’re not going to believe this guys, but Kanye’s had some help getting his name on the ballot in certain key states (yes he’s a genius, but bureaucracy and deadlines aren’t exactly his strong suit). And while Donald has denied any personal involvement with Kanye’s campaign, according to People, it’s “getting a boost from Republican operatives and an attorney representing President Donald Trump.” Christian. Genius. Billionaire. Kanye West. Look, you thought I’d forget, but I didn’t!

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