Open Post: Hosted By The Florida Couple Who Were Arrested For Having Sex In The Back Of A Police Car
Florida, America’s horniest state, has once again blessed us with a sticky, gooey MESS. Somebody needs to send a mage with a freshly sharpened quill down to the citadel to pull out the dusty tome called “The Book Of Horny Legends” because it needs to be updated. A Nassau County couple, Megan Lynn Mondanaro, 35, and Seth Aaron Thomas, 31, were arrested and charged with multiple crimes after they allegedly took an all expenses paid trip to The Bone Zone in the back of a patrol car after having failed field sobriety tests for biking while drunk and horny. The focus! The determination! The gall, and the nerve! Megan and Seth, we salute you!
Pete Davidson, who is 25 years old, hates the youth as much as Sebastian Maniscalco. At least, that’s what it seems like after a pretty disastrous show at the University of Central Florida where he laid into the crowd of college kids for using their phones too much. In his defense: comedians don’t really like getting filmed during their sets, but in reaction, Pete went full grandpa and told those youths to get their darn cell phones off his lawn!
Open Post: Hosted By The Barfing And Shitting Vultures Who Are Ruining A Couple’s Florida Vacation Home
A New York couple’s dream vacation home is being destroyed by vomiting and shitting vultures who refuse to leave. Basically these vultures are the Michael Lohan of wildlife and it’s costing this couple their second home. I mean, Florida has been generous with its reasons to not build a dream home there but vomiting, butt-spewing vultures are definitely sending a clear message.
He-Man needs to come get his sister. Not She-Ra, she good. It’s his older sister. She’s been locked up by the evil entity called the Miami Police Department after she and her girlfriend tried to get some free french fries at the Burger King drive-thru. I guess flashing ample cleavage and rocking a hard fake bang isn’t enough these days. If you want free french fries, you’ve got to get out of your car, walk your ass all the way inside, hop over the counter and threaten to pistol whip your way to a hot, thick, and crispy treat.
A few weeks ago I wrote about horny alligators on the prowl in Florida. Well it was just a matter of time before all that alligator courting worked and one of those randy alligators got into a Florida woman’s pants. As a cop discovered when he pulled over a couple in a routine traffic violation and found out there was an alligator in a woman’s pants.
Yes, read that headline again. If you’re high, read it a third time. This is the type of fuckery that takes place down in Port St. Lucie, FL where 23-year-old Andrew Anthony Gallagher decided that paying with cash is so 2018. He’s looking ahead to the new shit for 2019 and it involves using a different kind of green as currency; marijuana.