Ok, everybody simmer down. Brooklyn Beckham’s getting roasted again for his “questionable culinary skills” after he posted a picture of himself in the kitchen holding a puppy in a sling while stirring a pot of what looks like high end dog food with a wine cork floating in it but which I’ve been assured by The Daily Mail is supposed to be Bolognese sauce. But really, what harm has he done? He’s just a 24-year-old kid making himself a pot of sketti as an excuse to open what is probably a $600 bottle of Merlot on a Wednesday afternoon. Lord knows he’s not cooking for anybody but himself and the puppy. You think his wife Nicola Peltz Beckham would deign to put anything that comes out of that kitchen in her mouth? Ha! Let my boy enjoy his hairy sketti in peace!
As Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz continue to make their high society debut as Mr. & Mrs. Wifey Peltz Beckham, the pressure is mounting for Brooklyn to distinguish himself as an adult man with a distinct personality who knows his business and what he’s about. And since Nicola’s way ahead of him in this regard, he’s got a lot of catching up to do. Brooklyn has settled on Wife Guy for his personality and he’s gonna keep “chef” as his occupation. And what he’s all about is getting tattoos that prove both. As we’ve learned in his recent Variety interview, Brooklyn is a married, tattooed man who took his pandemic hobby of cooking and turned it into an empire. An empire so vast that at just 23, Brooklyn was able to purchase a $1.2 million McLaren P1 with the proceeds from just one poorly-edited 30 second cooking video that features a closeup of a pair of disambiguated hands risking it all by ripping apart a piece of fried fish as a volcano of hot grease comes gushing out, threatening to obliterate the word “married,” which Brooklyn recently got tattooed onto his hand. Brooklyn’s new ink is just one of 70 tattoos Brooklyn has on his body dedicated to his blushing bride. I mean, I’d be mortified too if I were her.