You know those inane “25 Things You Never Knew About…” questionnaires they have in the glossy mags that are super dumb but you read them while you’re pooping since it’s better than thinking about how weird pooping is? Well, Kate Hudson was recently featured in one of those for a Cosmopolitan cover story and it blew up in her face. Sandwiched between the prompts “The last photo I took on my phone” and “My me-time rituals” lay a hidden bomb. A question so probing, so searing in its search for profound truth that it gets to the core of what it means to be human: “The laziest thing I’ve ever done“. Kate’s Answer? “Have a C-section!“.
Tick. Tock. POW motherfuckers!
Let’s all take a trip back to 11 years ago, back to the You, Me and Dupree days of 2006 when Kate Hudson was quitting her six-year marriage to Chris Robinson. When Kate and Chris first finalized their divorced a year later, they were both granted joint custody of their (then) 2-year-old son Ryder. That arrangement seemed to be working for them. Kate and Chris always seemed they kind of had a no-drama divorce (well, except for the rumor about Kate’s married ass getting with Owen Wilson), but ten years later, things may be a little less cool and easy-going between them.
Because why decide on just one when you can help yourself to both? Kate Hudson wanted it all: underboob, underwear, sequined black censor bars, a giant flower putting another flower in a choke-hold, fancy little capes for her shoulders. Kate pulled up to fashion’s drive-thru speaker and ordered everything on the menu.
Razzie nominee Kate Hudson was at the SAG Awards last night as a presenter, which might be why she went red carpet casual by wearing a Dior dress with boxers underneath. If she tries to conceal her underwear by pulling her dress up higher, she’s gonna flash a whole lot of nipple. If she tries to cover up her underboob by pulling her top down a little, she’s going to show tons of underwear. Ha, listen to me – acting like Goldie’s thirsty daughter would ever be concerned with covering up an underboob situation.
Hints of glittery titty was a bit of a theme last night.
Tomorrow we find out if all the hard work and hand jobs Ryan Reynolds has been giving have paid off when the Oscar nominations are announced. But today we find out whose lazy hand job of a performance was rewarded with a 2017 Razzie nomination
There was a nominations sweep at this year’s Razzies. Zoolander 2 got 9 nominations, followed closely behind by Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice with 8. Sorry, 1997’s Batman and Robin, it looks like you’re still the Batman movie with the most Razzie nominations. But don’t worry, there’s a chance that Batman movie written and directed by Ben Affleck could happen.
Jared Leto’s award dreams came true in the most Twilight Zone-y of ways. He’s not going to get the Oscar nomination he was no doubt sure he was going to get, but he did get a Worst Supporting Actor Razzie for Suicide Squad. And Julia Roberts’ performance as Lady Wearing a Bad Wig in Mother’s Day earned her a Worst Actress nomination. That wig didn’t get a Worst Supporting Actor nomination, because of course it didn’t; that wig worked its ass off and supported her like a load-bearing beam.
And Ben Affleck received his 10th Razzie nomination today. The big one-zero! He should go out and celebrate tonight for reaching a career milestone. Maybe his BFF Tom Brady will treat Ben to a steamed green bean and unseasoned fish dinner at his house.
The list of nominees is after the cut.
In a lengthy post featuring a Star cover breathlessly declaring that Brad has moved in with Kate, he imagined a world where the Hudson/Hawn clan has been turned upside down by the presence of Bong Hit Brad the Chaos-Bringer.
The last time we checked in with Kate Hudson, she was coming off a long casual thing with Nick Jonas and wrapping herself around football player J.J. Watt. That was three months ago. Kate’s groupie coochie may have gotten nostalgic for that music industry peen, because according to UsWeekly, she’s once again seeing someone with a recording contract.
A source tells UsWeekly that Kate Hudson is currently dating DJ and former Twitter troll Diplo. The half of Diplo that’s “half straight” allegedly got together with Kate Hudson in Ibiza a few weeks ago when he was playing a club and she was vacationing with some friends. UsWeekly can’t say for sure when they officially met, but as you can see from the picture above, they’ve been friendly since at least the Met Gala back in May.
Kate’s people haven’t confirmed if she’s doing Diplo. Diplo’s people, on the other hand, have flat-out denied he’s remixing her business.
Even if Diplo’s people are right and they’re not humping, they really should. Kate dating Diplo makes so much sense, it’s almost creepy. They’re both blonde. They’re both 37-years-old. They both have two sons. They even have a “Taylor” connection: Kate used to be the face of Ann Taylor, and Diplo once tried to get a butt for Taylor Swift.
In the event they are actually dating, I don’t know why Diplo would want to deny that. His last sort-of maybe-relationship eventually took his too-old-for-this ass to Taylor Swift’s metaphorical high school locker hallway. You’d think he’d be happy to tell people that he’s going on the kind of dates that don’t end with him slowly driving past Kate’s arch enemy’s house while she ducks down in the front seat asking “Can you see her? Is she being the worst? I bet she totally is.”