Category: Sean Penn

Charlize Theron Says She Hasn’t Dated In Five Years

September 18, 2020 / Posted by:

In 2015, Charlize Theron wisely ended her one-year relationship with Sean Penn by probably ghosting him. A full five years later, and she’s yet to date again. Damn, Sean turned her off romance for life! Charlize revealed her dating drought on Drew Barrymore’s new daytime talk show. A few months ago she told Howard Stern that her relationship with Sean was exclusive, but she never wanted to marry him. In fact, she never wants to marry anybody. She told Drew that she’s happy with her life and her family, and she hasn’t dated anybody in five years. Girl’s girl Drew was all, “OMG ME TOO!”

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The “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” Reading Gave Us A Jerk-Off Scene Featuring Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston

September 18, 2020 / Posted by:

The dreams of any remaining TEAM ANISTON t-shirt owners had already come true last month when it was reported that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt would reunite for a live at-home reading of Fast Times at Ridgemont High. As promised, Jen and Brad reunited last night on Zoom for the Fast Times reading, to benefit Sean Penn’s CORE charity. And Brad and Jen must have been feeling extra charitable because they gave everyone at home an image for the ages by recreating the Phoebe Cates/Judge Reinhold jerk-off scene.

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59-Year-Old Sean Penn Got Married To His 28-Year-Old Girlfriend Leila George

August 3, 2020 / Posted by:

Congratulations to this dirty old man and his brand new child bride! Don’t worry, Leonardo DiCaprio didn’t get hitched (Ha! Camilla wishes). And, nope, I’m not talking about Dennis Quaid. It’s Sean Penn, who turns 60 in a couple of weeks, and 28-year-old Leila George.

Leila follows in the illustrious footsteps of Sean’s other ex-wives Madonna, 61, and Robin Wright, 54. According to People, Leila shares Sean’s “commitment to philanthropy”. When she’s not saving the world, she works as an actress (duh), and starred as the daughter in James Franco’s remake of Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? (coincidentally the exact question she asked her momma when she started seeing Sean).

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Charlize Theron Dragged Steven Seagal

June 24, 2020 / Posted by:

Charlize Theron was Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show to promote her new Netflix movie, The Old Guard, and since she was talking to Howard, the conversation led to her talking beautiful shit. Charlize read accused sexual assaulter Steven Seagal to filth and basically said that things with Sean Penn weren’t that serious and she was never planning to make him her husband. Charlize may have been dickmatized but she wasn’t THAT dickmatized.

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Dakota Johnson Chummed It Up With Gwyneth Paltrow At Her 30th Birthday Party

October 8, 2019 / Posted by:

I just hate it when wealth, fame, and nepotism are wasted on the bland and boring. Dakota Johnson recently celebrated her 30th birthday with a big party in Malibu over the weekend. If my mom and dad were fucking icons, and I was dating a rock/popstar, even if it was Chris Martin, I’d sure as hell be having a legendary party and the highlight wouldn’t be a birthday cake in the shape of my dog with a couple of sparklers sticking out of it. The highlight would be a mound of coke in the shape of my dog, from which my actual dog jumps out holding sparklers. What Malibu baker is going to say no to Don Johnson’s daughter?! But that’s not how Dakota rolls. According to People, Dakota’s party involved a lot of hugging and chatting with her boyfriend’s ex-wife Gwyneth Paltrow. And somebody invited Sean Penn. Yuck!

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Sean Penn Reads Mean Tweets On “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”

September 13, 2019 / Posted by:

You know that Celebrities Reading Mean Tweets segment on Jimmy Kimmel‘s Jimmy Kimmel Live? We all love it, we all enjoy it; it’s cute and fun to watch people with way too much power, money, beauty and fame read awful things being said about themselves–which were likely previously approved by their publicists as not “too mean”. It’s called leveling-the-playing-field-not-at-all-but-sort-of. Well, Sean Penn didn’t want to just be one of several celebrities reading one or two mean comments in a montage. He wanted the full attention of the hatred. And Jimmy Kimmel obliged.

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