Yesterday we learned that 2019 would be the first year in several decades in which Woody Allen won’t be releasing a film. According to Page Six, that honor might go to 2018 instead. His latest for Amazon, A Rainy Day in New York, was shot last September and October in New York on a budget of $25 million, and was reportedly scheduled for release later this year. No official date was set, it was more just a ballpark estimate depending on when Amazon Studios decided it should come out. Page Six seems to think that A Rainy Day will never see the light of day. They claim the movie has been “shelved” indefinitely.
When asked for comment, Amazon said: “No release date has ever been set for the film.”
It probably wouldn’t be too big of a shock if Amazon shelved it completely. Audiences might not want to watch Jude Law have sex with what he thinks is a 15-year-old girl. Or possibly the bigger elephant in the room, Woody himself. A few months after filming wrapped and #MeToo broke, several actors who have worked with Woody spoke out and vowed never to work again with the alleged creep. A Rainy Day stars Timothée Chalamet, Rebecca Hall, and Griffin Newman all donated their salaries to charity.
But maybe there’s nothing up, and Amazon just hasn’t picked a date. Or maybe Amazon has shelved it for the time being while they work with their marketing department and decide what kind of tagline should be on the poster for A Rainy Day in New York. Because “Even the actors in this film don’t want to be associated with this downpour of cringe” feels just a tad long.
Five-time bareback baby maker Jude Law is playing the young Albus Dumbledore in the Harry Potter prequel film series Fantastic Beasts And How To Employ Every British Actor At Once. His Dumbledore makes his first appearance in the latest one, The Crimes of Grindelwald, and blah blah blah Snape blah blah blah horcrux just get to the point – does he get any peen in the flick?
As I said in Night Crumbs on Friday, my dog has the sicks and he’s still down and out, which is why I’ve been MIA most of today. I know he’s really down and out, because while driving in the car this morning, an Ariana Grande Latte song played and he didn’t even have the energy to throw me a, “Bitch, why aren’t you changing this shit. I’ve been through enough,” look. I was at the vet with him for a huge chunk of the day and he’s still there. While we were waiting to see the doctor earlier, I was scrolling through pics on my phone and my eyeballs got a serving of Nicole Kidman and Jude Law at the NYC premiere of their movie Genius last night. Don’t worry, I covered my screen while looking at these pictures. I didn’t want my dog to get even more sick from looking at Nicole’s “Miss Kitty after getting ran over by a wagon while going to a funeral” dress. That would be cruel!
So this will be my last post of the day and tomorrow may be a lighter day for me as well, depending on how things go today. For now, I leave you with more pictures of Jude smuggling two bottles of rum in those wide ass pants and Nicole wearing what looks like a messy fight between a goth ice skater’s costume, a slutty toddler’s funeral dress and a black bordello lamp. None of them are winning. These pictures also proved to me that Nicole Kidman is un-meltable, because she’s standing that close to Jude’s piping hot burnt skin and there’s not even one drop of water trickling down her ice face.
Jude Law is back in Venice, Italy shooting that HBO series where he plays a young Pope. I have a feeling that there’s much more to the plot than just Jude Law being a pope whose dick bush hasn’t completely turned a bright shade of white yet. I bet that halfway through the series, we’ll find out that Jude Law isn’t human at all. He’s actually an Old Navy mannequin who left the retail game to live out his dream of being the head bitch of the Catholic church. I mean, that’s the only explanation for why Jude Law has forty layers of thick car paint on his face and it looks like he can only clean his plastic silver fox hair with Windex. This isn’t the Young Pope. This is the Mannequin Pope. He looks like a middle-aged Max Headroom as the Pope
That being said, I still would, but only if he keeps that Catholic yarmulke on his plastic hair.
Pics: AP, Wenn.com
Jude Law can now show people with his whole hand how many he children he has. Ironically, that hand gesture also doubles as a warning, as in – Jude Law, stop fathering so many damn kids, five is enough. Back in October, news rang out that virile daddy Jude Law had knocked up his one-time piece Catherine Harding with his fifth kid, and now People says that baby is finally here. Jude’s rep released a statement to People yesterday about Jude’s newest kid, a little girl, and it sounds like someone clearly didn’t complete their six-week PR correspondence course, because she never mentions whether or not her client is “over the moon” about her:
“I can confirm the arrival of Jude Law and Catherine Harding’s daughter. Both are delighted and continue to ask that their privacy and that of their child be respected.”
No word on what the baby’s name is, but if the names of Jude’s other four kids (Rafferty, Iris, Rudy, Sophia) are any indication, baby number 5 has an 75% chance of being named something very fancy and British-sounding. My guess is either Imogen or Cressida or Tea Biscuit Poppy Petal, but that last one only counts if Jude has access to a copy of The Bob Geldof Book of Baby Names.
Now let’s start the countdown to the next announcement from Jude Law’s PR person that Jude Law has knocked up another random one-night-stand. “Yeah, they might want to just start using a form letter” agreed his overactive sperm.
I don’t know if that’s his jizz face or if that’s the face he makes every time he finds out he’ll have to write another child support check every month.
Condoms: Jude Law still doesn’t know how they work. Because Jude’s rep tells People that he one again bareback boned a baby into a woman’s uterus. Soon a fifth child will stare up at his shiny Tetris hairline and call him daddy. The latest member of The Jude Law Baby Mother Club is a woman named Catherine Harding and she and Jude might’ve had on of those “Um, not only did you leave your toothbrush at my apartment, but you left a baby in me too,” conversations after they broke up. Because they’re no longer a thing. Jude’s spokeswhore gave this statement to People:
“I can confirm that Jude Law and Catherine Harding are expecting a child together in the spring. Whilst they are no longer in a relationship, they are both wholeheartedly committed to raising their child. They consider this a private matter and other than this confirmation no statement will be made. I ask that you respect the privacy of all parties involved and their families.”
Jude and his ex-wife Sadie Frost have three kids together: 18-year-old Rafferty, 12-year-old Rudy and 13-year-old Iris. Jude also made a daughter named Sophia with model type Samantha Burke 5 years ago. Samantha was apparently a two-night stand and Jude found out long after they stopped talking that she was knocked up. So basically, Jude Law sucks at the whole “hit it and quit it” thing.
And Hugh Grant, you’ve been challenged.