“Fantastic Beasts 3” Had The Lowest Opening Box Office Of Any “Harry Potter” Movie To Date
Pour one out for J.K. Rowling, whose cup used to runneth over with cash, but now merely dribbles over with cash in slightly smaller denominations. Variety reports that Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, the third film in the FB franchise, has opened to the lowest box office debut of any Harry Potter related movie to date. And by “pour one out” I mean, empty the rest of whatever swill you were drinking before cause we’re popping bubblies! Because even if J.K. is just $1 poorer for it, haha, serves her right. We may not be able to “cancel” her, in the modern sense of the word, but at least we can act a little smug about the fact that FB3 only made “a muted $43 million” in its domestic box office debut, down from $74M and $62M made by its 2 predecessors. At this rate, by the time Fantastic Beasts 8: The Menstruating Machlyes comes out, she’s going to be so poor she can’t even afford free speech!
As we know, Johnny Depp was too busy nailing his own balls to a board this year and was dropped from FB3. He was replaced by Mads Mikkelsen, who now plays Gellert Grindelwald opposite Jude Law as the titular Dumbledoor. J.K.’s White Knight Eddie Redmayne also stars as, let me see, it says “Newt Scamander” but that can’t be right. I’m supposed to believe J.K. is getting paid millions upon millions of dollars to fill in a Highlights Magazine word scramble incorrectly? OK, sure. FB3 also stars Ezra Miller, who was recently arrested on The Big Island in Hawaii for disorderly conduct and harassment and subsequently had a restraining order taken out against them. So sure, it’s a bad look, but it’s not like Ezra’s character is named something ridiculous like Credence Barebone or anything! Variety reports:
“Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore,” the third chapter in the “Harry Potter” spinoff series, collected a muted $43 million in its domestic box office debut.
In pandemic times, those ticket sales were enough to lead this weekend’s box office charts and land one of the biggest North American openings in 2022. But it’s also a sign that magic is in short supply for J.K. Rowling’s lucrative and ever-expanding Wizarding World. Dinged by mixed reviews and growing apathy for prequel series star Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) and company, “The Secrets of Dumbledore” stands as the worst start for a “Harry Potter”-adjacent movie. (Its predecessor, 2016’s “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,” launched to $74 million in North America, while the 2018 follow-up “The Crimes of Grindelwald” bowed to $62 million.)
The diminishing enthusiasm for “Fantastic Beasts” is problematic because witchcraft and wizardry does not come cheap. Warner Bros. shelled out $200 million to produce “The Secrets of Dumbledore,” and the studio spent tens of millions more to promote the film to audiences across the globe. Like the franchise’s earlier entries, “The Secrets of Dumbledore” will be reliant on the international box office to make money in its theatrical run. The first two “Fantastic Beasts” installments — which ended with $814 million globally and $650 million globally, respectively — made nearly 75% of revenues from foreign sales.
This just in. Ezra’s character IS named Credence. Bare. Bone. And no one thought to tell J.K. that her ideas are dumb until now? Variety adds that the only real competition at the box office this past weekend was Mark Wahlberg’s “R-rated faith-based drama” Father Stu, which flopped so hard Mark is probably on his hands and knees right now thanking God for allowing him to put on the extra padding he needed to meet this moment. Father Stu has only made $8M since it came out on Wednesday. At this rate, Marky Mark will be starring in Fantastic Beasts 9: The Tale of The Too Tight Garanimals.
Pic: Warner Bros.