Gwyneth Paltrow and Martha Stewart have been busting each other’s Baccarat balls for the last eight years after Martha basically said that the self-proclaimed guru of everything, Gwyneth, should shut her white sturgeon caviar-hole, stick to acting, and stop trying to be Martha Stewart. But Gwyneth never gave up on her dream, and just like every other year she shat out her Goop guide earlier this month. Despite the fact that no one actually uses the gift guide to guide their gift buying and only peruses it to have a quick laugh, Gwyneth spent money on a name-droppy promo (with a Cameron Diaz cameo) to remind everyone that the holidays are quickly approaching and she’s still not ready to let go of Martha’s past reads.
26-year-old Yung Gravy (real name: Matthew Hauri) is apparently making cougar-hunting his brand. Because it seems he’s moved on from TikToker Addison Rae‘s 42-year-old mom, Sheri Nicole Easterling, and is now setting his sights on certified hot piece, Martha Stewart. He said in an interview that he’s already gone out with Martha before. As King of the Cougar Hunters, a woman in her forties wasn’t enough for Yung Gravy, he needs some of that 81-year-old good-good!
The rumors of Pete Davison’s big dick energy have finally found their way into the circles of sexy octogenarians who want to see what all the fuss is about. And one hot memaw ready to do The Charleston all over Pete’s lap is Martha Stewart. Perhaps it’s Pete’s awkward swag of looking like a tatted-up Beaker from Sesame Street that makes all the ladies go crazy, and during a recent appearance on Drew Barrymore‘s talk show, the subject of Martha going on a date with Pete came up, and she shrugged like, “Sure, why not.”
Martha Stewart recently went on Chelsea Handler’s podcast, Dear Chelsea (via HuffPo), and wished death upon her married friends. Well, kinda. The two were chatting about dating, and 80-year-old Martha brought up “two mad crushes” she’s had in the last month. Unfortunately, one of these men was married to the mother of a friend of hers, and Martha says that, while she’s been propositioned more than once, home wrecking just ain’t her style. She adds she has no problems meeting men, but “they’re all married to friends of mine or something like that.” Chelsea, 47, sympathized, and said it’s tempting because “you wanna believe that, oh, maybe this relationship that they’re in is temporary…” And that’s when Martha dropped this bomb: “Or maybe they’ll die. I always think, oh gosh, couldn’t that person just die?” And just when I thought I couldn’t love this bitch anymore, she says she wants her friends to die so she can score some old dick. An American treasure!
It’s that time again! Khloe Kardashian has acquired herself another brand new face! What is this, the fourth since the pandemic began? What an exciting time to be alive. Khloe debuted her latest visage in a series of Instagram selfies featuring mom Kris Jenner and… Martha Stewart. Heh? In the caption Khloe explained that her mother surprised her with lunch with “Queen Martha,” whom Khloe has always adored. She adds that admires her organization, her kitchen and landscaping skills, her love of animals and CBD, and the fact that she “ain’t no snitch.” Translation: Martha won’t tell anybody that Khloe’s new face was literally coming off at the seams during their power lunch.
In a very “hold on, they dated?!” moment, Martha Stewart recently revealed that she and esteemed actor and fava bean fan Sir Anthony Hopkins were once romantically involved and that she was the one who ended it. Why? Because he was Hannibal Lecter, of course! She couldn’t have the culinary giant upstage HER dinner parties!